2014-04-05
Original: 2014-04-05 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Jesus (descending from clouds with arms outstretched): I HAVE RETURNED TO BRING HEAVEN! YOU HAVE SUFFERED LONG, BUT NOW I TAKE YOU TO A BETTER PLACE! A PLANET OVERPOPULATED BY A RACE OF GLOATILY EVOLVED MONKEYS WITH NO NATURAL DEFENSES. I'VE BEEN FATTENING THEM UP FOR DECADES JUST FOR YOU TO --
Panel 2:
A group of dark-cloaked, hooded alien figures stands looking up at him.
Alien: UH, DID YOU COME TO THE WRONG PLANET?
Panel 3:
Close on Jesus, looking awkward.
Jesus: OH HEY JERZ, WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD. I'LL JUST BE GOING THEN. IF YOU COULD PLEASE PART THE CROWD SO THAT --
Panel 4:
Caption (black bar): EVERY FUCKING TIME.
Votey:
A stick figure stands alone with arms outstretched (a small dark sun in the sky), thinking:
Figure (thought bubble): GODDAMN I'M BORED.
Jesus (descending from clouds with arms outstretched): I HAVE RETURNED TO BRING HEAVEN! YOU HAVE SUFFERED LONG, BUT NOW I TAKE YOU TO A BETTER PLACE! A PLANET OVERPOPULATED BY A RACE OF GLOATILY EVOLVED MONKEYS WITH NO NATURAL DEFENSES. I'VE BEEN FATTENING THEM UP FOR DECADES JUST FOR YOU TO --
Panel 2:
A group of dark-cloaked, hooded alien figures stands looking up at him.
Alien: UH, DID YOU COME TO THE WRONG PLANET?
Panel 3:
Close on Jesus, looking awkward.
Jesus: OH HEY JERZ, WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD. I'LL JUST BE GOING THEN. IF YOU COULD PLEASE PART THE CROWD SO THAT --
Panel 4:
Caption (black bar): EVERY FUCKING TIME.
Votey:
A stick figure stands alone with arms outstretched (a small dark sun in the sky), thinking:
Figure (thought bubble): GODDAMN I'M BORED.
Alt text
A four-panel comic. Panel 1: Jesus descends from the clouds with arms spread wide, proclaiming, "I have returned to bring heaven! You have suffered long, but now I take you to a better place! A planet overpopulated by a race of gloatily evolved monkeys with no natural defenses. I've been fattening them up for decades just for you to --" Panel 2: A cluster of dark-cloaked, hooded alien figures look up at him, and one says, "Uh, did you come to the wrong planet?" Panel 3: Jesus, now looking embarrassed, says, "Oh hey Jerz, well, this is awkward. I'll just be going then. If you could please part the crowd so that --" Panel 4: A black caption bar reads, "Every fucking time." The joke: Jesus, posing as a savior, is actually delivering tasty humans to alien overlords, and keeps showing up at the wrong planet to do it. Votey: A lone stick figure stands with arms outstretched under a small dark sun, thinking in a bubble, "Goddamn I'm bored."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.