2014-06-29

An SMBC comic titled 'MAKE YOUR OWN... UNSEXY DICE!' shows two flattened paper dice templates (unfolded cube nets) the reader could cut out and fold. The first die, labeled 'DIE 1: REASONS,' has six faces listing absurd excuses to avoid sex: 'Headache that mysteriously won't be helped by sex-mediated endorphins'; 'Exhausted from sex last August'; 'Grew out of sex during teen years'; 'Sex is just one more pointless dance before the existential chasm swallows us all'; 'Dead inside, but not in the way that leads to an urgent desire for the fleeting warmth of lovemaking'; and 'Not really in engorged genitalia.' The second die, labeled 'DIE 2: BEHAVIORS,' lists six tactics: 'Pretend to be asleep'; 'Quash partner's libido by bringing up partner's most emotional failing'; 'Eat four pizzas, scaring away sex like a pufferfish scares away predators'; 'Vibrate whole body, making it impossible to focus on sexy parts'; 'Escape by leap through nearest window'; and 'Have sex.' The joke is that almost every die face is a way to dodge intimacy, with 'have sex' as the lone unlikely outcome. The votey (bonus panel) is a tender close-up line drawing of two people lying together: one rests against the other, who wears glasses and smiles down at them warmly, with no text.