2014-06-27
Original: 2014-06-27 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A flying saucer descends toward a small group of people standing near a structure on Earth.
Alien (from the ship): BRING US TO YOUR WISEST SPECIES ON EARTH!
Panel 2: A woman in the crowd reacts.
Woman: BUT... BUT ISN'T THAT UFO?
Panel 3: The alien, now at a stone monolith/pillar, addresses it.
Alien: HA! YOU ARE THE WISEST? YOU WHO MAKE WAR? YOU WHO POLLUTE THE SKIES?!
Panel 4: A man with a beard speaks to the woman.
Man: I KNEW IT! THEY DON'T WANT TO MEET US. THEY WANT TO MEET DOLPHINS, OR BLUE WHALES, OR PERHAPS THE REGIMENTED YET ENIGMATIC EUSOCIAL TERMITE!
Panel 5: The alien speaks to a woman.
Alien: WHAT? NO WAY WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO EVEN DUMBER ANIMALS! DOLPHINS COULDN'T POLLUTE THE SKIES IF THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT.
Panel 6: The alien addresses the monolith again.
Alien: I'M HERE FOR THE MEGA-BRAIN THAT LIVES IN THE CENTER OF EARTH. YOU THERE, MEGA-BRAIN?
Panel 7: The woman responds, looking up.
Woman: HEY, I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GO HOME, HUH?
Panel 8: A reply emanates (from the monolith/mega-brain).
Voice: RIGHT NOW.
Panel 9: The alien continues talking to the monolith as something begins to fall/rain from the sky.
Alien: BUT IT'S SO EROTIC HAVING ALL THESE DUMB CARBON BLOBS SCAMPERING OVER MY SKIN. IT TOOK ME FOUR BILLION YEARS TO MAKE THEM AND IT'S LIKE A CONSTANT TICKLE INSIDE MY--
Panel 10: A command from the ship.
Voice: GET IN THE SHIP!
Panel 11: The flying saucer departs, flying away.
Panel 12: The crowd of humans stands looking up at the departed ship.
Votey: Two stone monolith/pillar shapes (the "mega-brain" and another) stand alone on an empty landscape, talking to each other.
Left monolith: POOR HUMANS.
Right monolith: WHAT'S A HUMAN?
Alien (from the ship): BRING US TO YOUR WISEST SPECIES ON EARTH!
Panel 2: A woman in the crowd reacts.
Woman: BUT... BUT ISN'T THAT UFO?
Panel 3: The alien, now at a stone monolith/pillar, addresses it.
Alien: HA! YOU ARE THE WISEST? YOU WHO MAKE WAR? YOU WHO POLLUTE THE SKIES?!
Panel 4: A man with a beard speaks to the woman.
Man: I KNEW IT! THEY DON'T WANT TO MEET US. THEY WANT TO MEET DOLPHINS, OR BLUE WHALES, OR PERHAPS THE REGIMENTED YET ENIGMATIC EUSOCIAL TERMITE!
Panel 5: The alien speaks to a woman.
Alien: WHAT? NO WAY WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO EVEN DUMBER ANIMALS! DOLPHINS COULDN'T POLLUTE THE SKIES IF THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT.
Panel 6: The alien addresses the monolith again.
Alien: I'M HERE FOR THE MEGA-BRAIN THAT LIVES IN THE CENTER OF EARTH. YOU THERE, MEGA-BRAIN?
Panel 7: The woman responds, looking up.
Woman: HEY, I GUESS IT'S TIME TO GO HOME, HUH?
Panel 8: A reply emanates (from the monolith/mega-brain).
Voice: RIGHT NOW.
Panel 9: The alien continues talking to the monolith as something begins to fall/rain from the sky.
Alien: BUT IT'S SO EROTIC HAVING ALL THESE DUMB CARBON BLOBS SCAMPERING OVER MY SKIN. IT TOOK ME FOUR BILLION YEARS TO MAKE THEM AND IT'S LIKE A CONSTANT TICKLE INSIDE MY--
Panel 10: A command from the ship.
Voice: GET IN THE SHIP!
Panel 11: The flying saucer departs, flying away.
Panel 12: The crowd of humans stands looking up at the departed ship.
Votey: Two stone monolith/pillar shapes (the "mega-brain" and another) stand alone on an empty landscape, talking to each other.
Left monolith: POOR HUMANS.
Right monolith: WHAT'S A HUMAN?
Alt text
A tall SMBC comic. A flying saucer descends toward a small crowd of humans on Earth and an alien voice booms "Bring us to your wisest species on Earth!" A woman wonders aloud whether that is even a real UFO. The alien instead approaches a tall stone monolith and mocks it: "You are the wisest? You who make war? You who pollute the skies?!" A bearded man tells the woman the aliens must want to meet dolphins, blue whales, or termites instead. The alien snaps that it would never talk to dumber animals -- dolphins couldn't pollute the skies if their lives depended on it. It clarifies it is here for the "mega-brain that lives in the center of Earth," addressing the monolith. A woman gently suggests it might be time for the aliens to go home; a voice answers "Right now." The alien, growing rhapsodic, says it's "so erotic" having all these dumb carbon blobs (humans) scampering over its skin -- it took four billion years to make them and it's like a constant tickle inside its-- before being cut off by "Get in the ship!" The saucer flies away, leaving the crowd of humans staring up. The reveal: the true intelligent life on Earth is the planet/monolith entities, not humans -- and the alien finds humans to be a pleasant skin-tickle the planet grew. Votey: Two stone monoliths stand alone on an empty landscape. One says "Poor humans." The other replies, "What's a human?" -- the monoliths barely register humans as a thing at all.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.