2014-04-15
Original: 2014-04-15 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Lorax (an orange creature with a bushy mustache, parody of Dr. Seuss's Lorax): I AM THE LORAX! I SPEAK FOR THE TREES!
Panel 2:
A bearded man in a red cap and green outfit (logger): OH, IT'S OKAY, LORAX. WE'VE NEEDED YOUR CALL AND TRANSITIONED TO SUSTAINABLE LOGGING.
Panel 3:
Logger: WE HAVE A DEDICATED PATCH OF LAND ON WHICH WE GROW TREES JUST FOR PAPER, THEN CUT THEM DOWN IN THEIR PRIME.
Lorax: OH. OKAY. WELL, GOOD, THEN.
Panel 4:
Logger (now appearing disturbed/intense): THEY WILL NEVER GROW OLD. THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WILDNESS, AND THEIR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN'S CHILDREN WILL FOREVER BE IN THRALL TO MAN'S INSATIABLE LUST FOR CELLULOSE-BASED PRODUCTS.
Panel 5:
Logger: AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU, LORAX!
Panel 6:
(No dialogue. The Lorax sits alone in the dark, looking down, distraught.)
Votey:
A bartender (speech bubble): YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
The Lorax (slumped, drunk, head on the bar): GIMME A BOTTLE. IN A PAPER BAG!
Lorax (an orange creature with a bushy mustache, parody of Dr. Seuss's Lorax): I AM THE LORAX! I SPEAK FOR THE TREES!
Panel 2:
A bearded man in a red cap and green outfit (logger): OH, IT'S OKAY, LORAX. WE'VE NEEDED YOUR CALL AND TRANSITIONED TO SUSTAINABLE LOGGING.
Panel 3:
Logger: WE HAVE A DEDICATED PATCH OF LAND ON WHICH WE GROW TREES JUST FOR PAPER, THEN CUT THEM DOWN IN THEIR PRIME.
Lorax: OH. OKAY. WELL, GOOD, THEN.
Panel 4:
Logger (now appearing disturbed/intense): THEY WILL NEVER GROW OLD. THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WILDNESS, AND THEIR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN'S CHILDREN WILL FOREVER BE IN THRALL TO MAN'S INSATIABLE LUST FOR CELLULOSE-BASED PRODUCTS.
Panel 5:
Logger: AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU, LORAX!
Panel 6:
(No dialogue. The Lorax sits alone in the dark, looking down, distraught.)
Votey:
A bartender (speech bubble): YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
The Lorax (slumped, drunk, head on the bar): GIMME A BOTTLE. IN A PAPER BAG!
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic parodying Dr. Seuss's The Lorax. Panel 1: The Lorax, an orange mustached creature, proclaims, "I AM THE LORAX! I SPEAK FOR THE TREES!" Panel 2: A bearded logger in a red cap reassures him: "OH, IT'S OKAY, LORAX. WE'VE NEEDED YOUR CALL AND TRANSITIONED TO SUSTAINABLE LOGGING." Panel 3: The logger explains, "WE HAVE A DEDICATED PATCH OF LAND ON WHICH WE GROW TREES JUST FOR PAPER, THEN CUT THEM DOWN IN THEIR PRIME." The Lorax replies, "OH. OKAY. WELL, GOOD, THEN." Panel 4: A close-up of the logger looking intense and unsettling: "THEY WILL NEVER GROW OLD. THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WILDNESS, AND THEIR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN'S CHILDREN WILL FOREVER BE IN THRALL TO MAN'S INSATIABLE LUST FOR CELLULOSE-BASED PRODUCTS." Panel 5: "AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU, LORAX!" Panel 6: The Lorax sits alone in darkness, head down, looking devastated by his complicity. Votey: The Lorax, now drunk and slumped over a bar, is told by an off-panel bartender, "YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH." The Lorax slurs back, "GIMME A BOTTLE. IN A PAPER BAG!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.