2014-04-12
Original: 2014-04-12 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Zornak (a muscular, bearded barbarian with flowing hair, arms raised): ZORNAK RETURNS! ZORNAK WILL EXAMINE YOUR PLUNDER, BURN HOUSE, AND TAKE TREASURE! ALL PRAISE TO ZORNAK!
Panel 2:
Zornak: AH, GEE ZORNAK. WHEN DID YOU START YOUR LATEST VOYAGE?
Woman (long dark hair, glasses): TEN YEARS AGO. WHY?
Panel 3:
Woman: WELL, WHILE YOU WERE GONE, THERE WAS A SOCIAL ENLIGHTENMENT. WE NOW SYMPATHIZE WITH NEIGHBORING NATIONS.
Zornak: WHAT?!
Panel 4:
Woman: ZORNAK IS CULTURE HERO! ZORNAK EMBODY LOCAL CULTURAL NORMS AND THEM PROMOTE NORMS WITH SWORD!
Zornak: WE DON'T ENDORSE THAT SORT OF VIOLENCE ANY MORE.
Panel 5:
Zornak: WHAT ZORNAK GOOD FOR IF FIGHTING NOT ALLOWED?
Woman: OH. ACTUALLY FIGHTING IS STILL ALLOWED. YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT FOR THE RIGHT REASON.
Panel 6:
Zornak (leaning in, intrigued): GO ON.
Panel 7 (final wide panel):
Zornak (charging into battle, sword raised, attacking fleeing people): ZORNAK COME BEARING DEMOCRACY!
Votey:
A close-up of Zornak's smiling face. Caption: YOU WELCOME!
Zornak (a muscular, bearded barbarian with flowing hair, arms raised): ZORNAK RETURNS! ZORNAK WILL EXAMINE YOUR PLUNDER, BURN HOUSE, AND TAKE TREASURE! ALL PRAISE TO ZORNAK!
Panel 2:
Zornak: AH, GEE ZORNAK. WHEN DID YOU START YOUR LATEST VOYAGE?
Woman (long dark hair, glasses): TEN YEARS AGO. WHY?
Panel 3:
Woman: WELL, WHILE YOU WERE GONE, THERE WAS A SOCIAL ENLIGHTENMENT. WE NOW SYMPATHIZE WITH NEIGHBORING NATIONS.
Zornak: WHAT?!
Panel 4:
Woman: ZORNAK IS CULTURE HERO! ZORNAK EMBODY LOCAL CULTURAL NORMS AND THEM PROMOTE NORMS WITH SWORD!
Zornak: WE DON'T ENDORSE THAT SORT OF VIOLENCE ANY MORE.
Panel 5:
Zornak: WHAT ZORNAK GOOD FOR IF FIGHTING NOT ALLOWED?
Woman: OH. ACTUALLY FIGHTING IS STILL ALLOWED. YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT FOR THE RIGHT REASON.
Panel 6:
Zornak (leaning in, intrigued): GO ON.
Panel 7 (final wide panel):
Zornak (charging into battle, sword raised, attacking fleeing people): ZORNAK COME BEARING DEMOCRACY!
Votey:
A close-up of Zornak's smiling face. Caption: YOU WELCOME!
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A hulking bearded barbarian, named in the dialogue as Zornak, returns from a voyage and bellows, 'ZORNAK RETURNS! ZORNAK WILL EXAMINE YOUR PLUNDER, BURN HOUSE, AND TAKE TREASURE! ALL PRAISE TO ZORNAK!' A woman with long dark hair and glasses tells him that during the ten years he was away there was a 'social enlightenment' and the nation now sympathizes with its neighbors and no longer endorses that sort of violence. Zornak, confused, asks 'WHAT ZORNAK GOOD FOR IF FIGHTING NOT ALLOWED?' The woman explains that fighting is still allowed, he just has to do it for the right reason. Zornak leans in eagerly: 'GO ON.' In the final wide panel he charges into battle with his sword raised, attacking fleeing villagers, shouting 'ZORNAK COME BEARING DEMOCRACY!' The joke skewers how war can be re-justified rather than abandoned. Votey: a close-up of Zornak's grinning face with the caption 'YOU WELCOME!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.