2014-04-14
Original: 2014-04-14 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Narration (red caption): Immortality is impossible. The universe is too dangerous.
A scientist wearing a white visor speaks to a smiling man who has a small chip implanted in his forehead.
Scientist: Your body now cannot die of natural causes. We expect you'll live for 200 years.
Panel 2
Narration (red caption): So we created "backward immortality."
Scientist: We can store memories in your brain so there's no reason your memories can't go beyond the age of zero.
Panel 3
Narration (red caption): By this means, lives could be "extended" as long as anyone wanted.
The man: Ahh. I remember the good old days before the hordes of reality split up.
Panel 4
Narration (red caption): This created happiness and unity.
The man: Hey, remember that time when the world was without form and void and darkness was upon the deep?
Woman beside him: Best week of my life!
Panel 5
Narration (red caption): But it also created flawed expectations.
A bearded man: I must be special to have survived so long.
Panel 6
Narration (red caption): Everyone died in the first month.
The bearded man: I've been around 14 billion years. I survived the big bang. What're the odds that walking-in traffic will kill me?
Panel 7
Narration (red caption): I suppose their deaths were our fault. But, I like to think they died smiling.
A gravestone reads: (infinity symbol) HERE LIES ~JONES~ [BORN] BEGINNING OF REALITY [DIED] MAY 7, 2024
Votey:
A close-up of a person lying down, head back, laughing.
Person: What're the odds!
Narration (red caption): Immortality is impossible. The universe is too dangerous.
A scientist wearing a white visor speaks to a smiling man who has a small chip implanted in his forehead.
Scientist: Your body now cannot die of natural causes. We expect you'll live for 200 years.
Panel 2
Narration (red caption): So we created "backward immortality."
Scientist: We can store memories in your brain so there's no reason your memories can't go beyond the age of zero.
Panel 3
Narration (red caption): By this means, lives could be "extended" as long as anyone wanted.
The man: Ahh. I remember the good old days before the hordes of reality split up.
Panel 4
Narration (red caption): This created happiness and unity.
The man: Hey, remember that time when the world was without form and void and darkness was upon the deep?
Woman beside him: Best week of my life!
Panel 5
Narration (red caption): But it also created flawed expectations.
A bearded man: I must be special to have survived so long.
Panel 6
Narration (red caption): Everyone died in the first month.
The bearded man: I've been around 14 billion years. I survived the big bang. What're the odds that walking-in traffic will kill me?
Panel 7
Narration (red caption): I suppose their deaths were our fault. But, I like to think they died smiling.
A gravestone reads: (infinity symbol) HERE LIES ~JONES~ [BORN] BEGINNING OF REALITY [DIED] MAY 7, 2024
Votey:
A close-up of a person lying down, head back, laughing.
Person: What're the odds!
Alt text
A vertical SMBC comic. Red caption bars narrate over each panel. Panel 1: a scientist in a white visor tells a smiling man with a chip in his forehead, "Your body now cannot die of natural causes. We expect you'll live for 200 years" — over the caption "Immortality is impossible. The universe is too dangerous." Panel 2 ("So we created 'backward immortality.'"): the scientist explains they can store memories so a person's memories can extend beyond the age of zero. Panel 3 ("lives could be 'extended' as long as anyone wanted"): the man reminisces, "I remember the good old days before the hordes of reality split up." Panel 4 ("This created happiness and unity"): the man recalls the formless, void darkness upon the deep; a woman replies "Best week of my life!" Panel 5 ("But it also created flawed expectations"): a bearded man says "I must be special to have survived so long." Panel 6 ("Everyone died in the first month"): the bearded man says he's been around 14 billion years and survived the big bang, so what are the odds walking in traffic will kill him. Final panel ("I suppose their deaths were our fault. But, I like to think they died smiling"): a tombstone topped with an infinity symbol reads "HERE LIES ~JONES~ BORN: BEGINNING OF REALITY DIED: MAY 7, 2024." Votey: a close-up of a person lying back and laughing, exclaiming "What're the odds!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.