vintage
Original: vintage on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A man (dark hair, suit): You know, a lot of people obsess over youth. But, wine only gets better with time.
A woman with red hair: That is SERIOUSLY cherry-picking.
Panel 2:
Man: If you look at all foods, 99.99% get worse with time. Fruits, vegetables, most dairy products, some cheeses and meats age okay, but that's only with an extraordinary amount of human intervention.
Panel 3:
Man: Even old wine sours eventually. In fact, if the acetobacter wins, you've basically got embalming fluid.
Panel 4:
Man: Let's face it — humans age a lot more like old avocados than wine, and we shouldn't suppose that you and I are any different.
Panel 5:
The red-haired woman: So, what'd you get me for our anniversary?
Panel 6:
Man: I'm gonna need a mulligan here.
Votey:
The man, gesturing toward the woman: You're like an exceptionally long-lived avocado, my love.
A man (dark hair, suit): You know, a lot of people obsess over youth. But, wine only gets better with time.
A woman with red hair: That is SERIOUSLY cherry-picking.
Panel 2:
Man: If you look at all foods, 99.99% get worse with time. Fruits, vegetables, most dairy products, some cheeses and meats age okay, but that's only with an extraordinary amount of human intervention.
Panel 3:
Man: Even old wine sours eventually. In fact, if the acetobacter wins, you've basically got embalming fluid.
Panel 4:
Man: Let's face it — humans age a lot more like old avocados than wine, and we shouldn't suppose that you and I are any different.
Panel 5:
The red-haired woman: So, what'd you get me for our anniversary?
Panel 6:
Man: I'm gonna need a mulligan here.
Votey:
The man, gesturing toward the woman: You're like an exceptionally long-lived avocado, my love.
Alt text
A six-panel comic. A dark-haired man in a suit lectures a red-haired woman about how things age. He says people obsess over youth, but wine only gets better with time; she replies that this is seriously cherry-picking. He doubles down: 99.99% of foods get worse with time — fruits, vegetables, dairy, and even cheeses and meats only age okay with extraordinary human intervention. Even old wine eventually sours into embalming fluid. He concludes that humans age more like old avocados than like wine, and that he and the woman are no different. In the final panel she asks, "So, what'd you get me for our anniversary?" and he replies, "I'm gonna need a mulligan here," realizing he has talked himself into trouble. In the votey aftercomic, the man tries to recover by sweetly telling her, "You're like an exceptionally long-lived avocado, my love."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.