stats-gang
Original: stats-gang on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman with dark hair and round glasses (addressing a crowd): This is Stats Gang. If you wanna join Stats Gang... you gotta KILL SOMEONE.
Panel 2:
A red-haired person (thinking it through): Hmm. Okay, let's estimate 1 premature death per 10,000,000 kilowatt hours of energy used, counting pollution deaths and accidental deaths from fuel acquisition.
Panel 3:
Red-haired person: The average household does about 10,000 kilowatt hours per year. But, if I count car transportation, plane travel, the energy used to make all the stuff I use, and the fact that I have 3 children, I might be responsible for, say, 100,000 kWh per year.
Panel 4:
Red-haired person: Taking my life expectancy as 80 years, that's a total of 8,000,000 kWh. Thus, I can be expected to kill approximately 0.8 people over my lifetime. If we add error bars of plus or minus 25%, that puts us safely in the range of one murder.
Panel 5:
Two silhouetted figures face each other against a black background.
Glasses woman (off-panel/silhouette): Welcome. You are technically an ice-cold son of a bitch.
Red-haired person (silhouette): Awww...
Votey:
Text only (no spoken attribution; reads as an exchange):
Q: So what do you do all day here?
A: Complain about stuff people said online.
[Below the text: a small drawing of a person's head in profile, and a separate small sketch of a steaming/curving shape resembling smoke or a hot drink.]
Woman with dark hair and round glasses (addressing a crowd): This is Stats Gang. If you wanna join Stats Gang... you gotta KILL SOMEONE.
Panel 2:
A red-haired person (thinking it through): Hmm. Okay, let's estimate 1 premature death per 10,000,000 kilowatt hours of energy used, counting pollution deaths and accidental deaths from fuel acquisition.
Panel 3:
Red-haired person: The average household does about 10,000 kilowatt hours per year. But, if I count car transportation, plane travel, the energy used to make all the stuff I use, and the fact that I have 3 children, I might be responsible for, say, 100,000 kWh per year.
Panel 4:
Red-haired person: Taking my life expectancy as 80 years, that's a total of 8,000,000 kWh. Thus, I can be expected to kill approximately 0.8 people over my lifetime. If we add error bars of plus or minus 25%, that puts us safely in the range of one murder.
Panel 5:
Two silhouetted figures face each other against a black background.
Glasses woman (off-panel/silhouette): Welcome. You are technically an ice-cold son of a bitch.
Red-haired person (silhouette): Awww...
Votey:
Text only (no spoken attribution; reads as an exchange):
Q: So what do you do all day here?
A: Complain about stuff people said online.
[Below the text: a small drawing of a person's head in profile, and a separate small sketch of a steaming/curving shape resembling smoke or a hot drink.]
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic about a person rationalizing their way into a murderous 'Stats Gang.' Panel 1: a woman with dark hair and round glasses tells a crowd, 'This is Stats Gang. If you wanna join Stats Gang... you gotta KILL SOMEONE.' Panels 2-4 show a red-haired person calmly doing math to qualify: they estimate one premature death per 10,000,000 kilowatt-hours of energy used (counting pollution and fuel-acquisition deaths), tally their lifetime energy footprint including car and plane travel, manufactured goods, and three children at about 100,000 kWh per year over an 80-year life for 8,000,000 kWh total, conclude they can be expected to kill about 0.8 people, and add error bars of plus or minus 25% to land 'safely in the range of one murder.' Panel 5, in silhouette against black: the glasses woman says, 'Welcome. You are technically an ice-cold son of a bitch,' and the red-haired person replies, 'Awww...' as if flattered. Votey (bonus panel): handwritten text reads 'So what do you do all day here? Complain about stuff people said online,' beside a small profile sketch of a head and a wisp of smoke or steam.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.