2015-01-14
Original: 2015-01-14 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (Narration): When Vespasian conquered Judea, he had coins minted to commemorate his victory.
(Labels on the coin illustration:) DATE PALM, SYMBOL OF JUDEA. / WEEPING JUDEAN.
Panel 2 (Narration): This struck me as (1) really dickish, and (2) a great idea for my own kingdom.
Panel 3 (Narration): These coins shall be used in the household. You may earn them with chores and exchange them for money.
Child: This image is not appropriate for children, dad.
Man: Your mother and I screwed twice this week.
Panel 4 (Narration): Now, fresh coins are minted for all of my achievements.
(Coin reads:) THIS IS YOU WITH BAGEL WINGS, SOARING THROUGH SPACE.
Panel 5 (Narration): This is you with my fantasy football team came in second place in the entire office.
Panel 6 (Narration): It's tearing my family apart.
Woman: I'm glad you got Susie to clean her room, but this coin is really mean.
Man: Let the coin show how Susie wept for her withered praise!
Panel 7 (Narration): But I have never felt so alive.
King (crowned, raising a coin): Let this token tell far and wide of my recent promotion - without - a - raise!
Votey:
A single large coin shown in close-up, stamped with a bearded man's profile portrait. The text around the rim reads: SMBC — 16th MOST-POPULAR WEBCOMIC
(Labels on the coin illustration:) DATE PALM, SYMBOL OF JUDEA. / WEEPING JUDEAN.
Panel 2 (Narration): This struck me as (1) really dickish, and (2) a great idea for my own kingdom.
Panel 3 (Narration): These coins shall be used in the household. You may earn them with chores and exchange them for money.
Child: This image is not appropriate for children, dad.
Man: Your mother and I screwed twice this week.
Panel 4 (Narration): Now, fresh coins are minted for all of my achievements.
(Coin reads:) THIS IS YOU WITH BAGEL WINGS, SOARING THROUGH SPACE.
Panel 5 (Narration): This is you with my fantasy football team came in second place in the entire office.
Panel 6 (Narration): It's tearing my family apart.
Woman: I'm glad you got Susie to clean her room, but this coin is really mean.
Man: Let the coin show how Susie wept for her withered praise!
Panel 7 (Narration): But I have never felt so alive.
King (crowned, raising a coin): Let this token tell far and wide of my recent promotion - without - a - raise!
Votey:
A single large coin shown in close-up, stamped with a bearded man's profile portrait. The text around the rim reads: SMBC — 16th MOST-POPULAR WEBCOMIC
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: narration explains that when Vespasian conquered Judea he minted coins to commemorate his victory; an illustrated ancient coin is labeled with a 'date palm, symbol of Judea' and a 'weeping Judean.' Panel 2: narration says the narrator found this (1) really dickish and (2) a great idea for his own kingdom. Panel 3: a man tells his child the family will use commemorative coins, earned with chores and exchanged for money; the child says the coin's image isn't appropriate for children, and the dad replies, 'Your mother and I screwed twice this week.' Panel 4: a coin is minted depicting the child with bagel wings soaring through space. Panel 5: another coin commemorates the dad's office fantasy football team coming in second place. Panel 6: the wife says she's glad the coins got their daughter Susie to clean her room but the coins are mean; the husband proclaims, 'Let the coin show how Susie wept for her withered praise!' Panel 7: the dad, now wearing a crown like a king, triumphantly raises a coin and declares, 'Let this token tell far and wide of my recent promotion-without-a-raise!' The joke escalates petty domestic and workplace grievances into grandiose imperial coinage. Votey: a close-up of a single coin stamped with a bearded man's profile, the rim reading 'SMBC 16th MOST-POPULAR WEBCOMIC' — a self-deprecating jab at the comic's own ranking.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.