2012-09-20
Original: 2012-09-20 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Genie (a green-skinned genie with a jeweled headpiece, emerging from a lamp the man holds): YOU MAY WISH FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT MORE WISHES.
Panel 2:
Man (bespectacled, in a suit): I WISH THE WORD "SPLORK" WERE INTERCHANGEABLE WITH THE WORD "WISH."
Panel 3:
Man: I WISH YOUR INITIAL INJUNCTION PERTAINED ONLY TO THE CONCEPT OF WISHING PAIRED WITH THE PARTICULAR WORD "WISH" AS OPPOSED TO THE CONCEPT ITSELF, WHICH YOU WERE MERELY SIGNIFYING WITH THAT WORD.
Panel 4:
Man: ANNND, I SPLORK FOR INFINITE SPLORKS.
Panel 5:
(The genie glares, irritated, smoking a pipe in green flame. No dialogue.)
Caption box (FUN FACT):
FUN FACT: ALL WISH-GRANTING BEINGS ARE NOW OWNED BY ATTORNEYS.
(IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, THEN EXPLAIN THE PATENT SYSTEM)
Votey:
Man (to an off-panel character): MAGIC LEPRECHAUN, I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO PATENT ROUNDED CORNERS.
Voice (off-panel, in a small speech bubble): GOOD GOD!
Genie (a green-skinned genie with a jeweled headpiece, emerging from a lamp the man holds): YOU MAY WISH FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT MORE WISHES.
Panel 2:
Man (bespectacled, in a suit): I WISH THE WORD "SPLORK" WERE INTERCHANGEABLE WITH THE WORD "WISH."
Panel 3:
Man: I WISH YOUR INITIAL INJUNCTION PERTAINED ONLY TO THE CONCEPT OF WISHING PAIRED WITH THE PARTICULAR WORD "WISH" AS OPPOSED TO THE CONCEPT ITSELF, WHICH YOU WERE MERELY SIGNIFYING WITH THAT WORD.
Panel 4:
Man: ANNND, I SPLORK FOR INFINITE SPLORKS.
Panel 5:
(The genie glares, irritated, smoking a pipe in green flame. No dialogue.)
Caption box (FUN FACT):
FUN FACT: ALL WISH-GRANTING BEINGS ARE NOW OWNED BY ATTORNEYS.
(IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, THEN EXPLAIN THE PATENT SYSTEM)
Votey:
Man (to an off-panel character): MAGIC LEPRECHAUN, I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO PATENT ROUNDED CORNERS.
Voice (off-panel, in a small speech bubble): GOOD GOD!
Alt text
A five-panel comic with a man in glasses and a suit confronting a green genie summoned from a lamp. Panel 1: The genie declares, "You may wish for anything except more wishes." Panel 2: The man replies, "I wish the word 'splork' were interchangeable with the word 'wish.'" Panel 3: He continues with a lawyerly loophole: "I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word 'wish' as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word." Panel 4: He concludes, "Annnd, I splork for infinite splorks." Panel 5: The genie glares, annoyed, smoking a pipe in green flame, defeated by the man's legalistic wordplay. A yellow caption reads: "FUN FACT: All wish-granting beings are now owned by attorneys. (If you don't believe me, then explain the patent system)." Votey: The same man addresses an off-panel character, saying, "Magic leprechaun, I'd like to be able to patent rounded corners." A small voice replies in horror, "Good God!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.