2012-09-24
Original: 2012-09-24 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title: FUNTIME ACTIVITY: LEAVING SAD PRODUCT REVIEWS
Panel 1:
Towel Rack
(4/5 STARS) - Nov 19
"Came broken. Got rid of it. Now I know how Mom felt about me."
Panel 2:
Novelty Garden Gnome
(3/5 STARS) - Oct 23
"It's degrading over time, but then, so is everything large enough to matter."
Panel 3:
Can-o-matic
(5/5 STARS) - Mar 5
"This can opener did not work as promised, which served as a fine reminder that 'justice' is but a shadow the powerful cast upon the weak."
Votey:
"Hasn't made my penis larger yet, but I am very optimistic."
Panel 1:
Towel Rack
(4/5 STARS) - Nov 19
"Came broken. Got rid of it. Now I know how Mom felt about me."
Panel 2:
Novelty Garden Gnome
(3/5 STARS) - Oct 23
"It's degrading over time, but then, so is everything large enough to matter."
Panel 3:
Can-o-matic
(5/5 STARS) - Mar 5
"This can opener did not work as promised, which served as a fine reminder that 'justice' is but a shadow the powerful cast upon the weak."
Votey:
"Hasn't made my penis larger yet, but I am very optimistic."
Alt text
A three-panel comic titled "FUNTIME ACTIVITY: LEAVING SAD PRODUCT REVIEWS," each panel showing a handwritten star rating and date for a product, followed by a review that veers into bleak personal despair. Panel 1: Towel Rack, 4/5 stars, Nov 19 — "Came broken. Got rid of it. Now I know how Mom felt about me." Panel 2: Novelty Garden Gnome, 3/5 stars, Oct 23 — "It's degrading over time, but then, so is everything large enough to matter." Panel 3: Can-o-matic, 5/5 stars, Mar 5 — "This can opener did not work as promised, which served as a fine reminder that 'justice' is but a shadow the powerful cast upon the weak." The joke is that mundane product reviews double as confessions of profound nihilism and emotional damage. Votey (a single extra panel): another review reading "Hasn't made my penis larger yet, but I am very optimistic."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.