2012-09-16
Original: 2012-09-16 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man (orange hair, angry): I DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE EVER PLAYED OLD VIDEO GAMES. THEY'RE BORING! NO STORY, NO AMBIENCE!
Woman: HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF PAC-MAN?
Panel 2:
Man: Y-YEAH. THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S LIKE KAFKA WROTE A LOVECRAFT STORY.
Panel 3 (a large gaping mouth with Pac-Man-like dots):
PAC-MAN IS THE STORY OF A MAN WHO WAKES UP ONE DAY TO FIND HE IS NOTHING BUT A MOUTH.
Panel 4 (mouth and a yellow dot):
ALL HIS DREAMS, HOPES, DEGREES, SENSATIONS, ALL ATOMIZED INTO A PRIMAL CONSUMPTIVE URGE.
Panel 5 (mouth in a dark maze with dots):
HE'S TRAPPED IN A MAZE WITH NO EXIT, BUT HIS FOOD CONSUMPTION IS SO OVERWHELMING, SO SENSUAL, THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE.
Panel 6 (the man and woman again):
Man: BUT IN THE MAZE THERE ARE GHOSTS. DEPARTED SPIRITS. DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CHASE HIM?
Woman: N-NO?
Panel 7 (blue and orange ghost figures, a piece of cheese):
GHOSTS CAN'T EAT. THEY ENVY EATERS BECAUSE FOOD IS THE DOMAIN OF THE GODS, AND THEY'VE BEEN DENIED IT. THEY ENVY THAT EATING NOT ONLY IS DEPRESSING, BUT REPULSIVE.
Panel 8 (ghosts near pink folds, a yellow dot):
THEN A BEING APPEARS WHO'S ONLY MOUTH. ONLY THERE TO EAT. ONLY THERE TO REMIND THEM HOW THE LONELY AND OPEN OF ITS METAPHYSIC, THAT THEY WILL NEVER AGAIN KNOW THE WARMTH OF A BEATING HEART OR THE CONTENTEDNESS OF A LOVER'S BED.
Panel 9 (mouth, ghosts, cherries):
SO THEY PURSUE THE MOUTH, LOATHING EACH FOOD PELLET AS THEY PASS IT, HATING THE FRUITY THAT HAUNTS EACH CORNER OF THE TANTALIZING PRODUCT OF WHATEVER MAD CREATOR BUILT THIS LABYRINTH.
Panel 10 (mouth):
WHEN THE MOUTH EATS THEM, THEY FIND AN ALMOST EROTIC SOLACE. IMPOTENT LIPSURE, THEY LIVE VICARIOUSLY AS THEY TWIST THROUGH THE TANGLED VISCERA OF THE MOUTH-MAN.
Panel 11 (ghosts):
BUT WITH EACH PSYCHIC EXCURSION, THE GHOSTS RECALL THEIR PURGATORIAL STATE WITH RENEWED HORROR, AND GROW FASTER, AND FASTER, AND FASTER.
Panel 12 (ghosts and mouth):
UNTIL THE MOUTH CAN RUN NO MORE, AND THE DEAD FALL UPON IT. UNABLE TO DIGEST THEY DESTROY, AND THE MOUTH-MAN'S CHEEKS ARE RENT, AND THE FINAL TASTE AND THE LIFE EXHALATION, FINDS THERE VERY HEART IS HIS FINAL TORTURES AS HE IS RIPPED INTO OBLIVION.
Panel 13 (the man, eyes closed):
Man: AND THEN... THE GAME BEGINS AGAIN.
Panel 14 (two silhouettes, the woman and the man):
Woman (silhouette): OUR GAMES ARE HORRIFYING.
Man (silhouette): OK, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON CENTIPEDE.
Votey:
Close-up sketch of a smug man's face. Speech bubble: DIG DUG IS A METAPHOR FOR LOVE.
Man (orange hair, angry): I DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE EVER PLAYED OLD VIDEO GAMES. THEY'RE BORING! NO STORY, NO AMBIENCE!
Woman: HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF PAC-MAN?
Panel 2:
Man: Y-YEAH. THINK ABOUT IT. IT'S LIKE KAFKA WROTE A LOVECRAFT STORY.
Panel 3 (a large gaping mouth with Pac-Man-like dots):
PAC-MAN IS THE STORY OF A MAN WHO WAKES UP ONE DAY TO FIND HE IS NOTHING BUT A MOUTH.
Panel 4 (mouth and a yellow dot):
ALL HIS DREAMS, HOPES, DEGREES, SENSATIONS, ALL ATOMIZED INTO A PRIMAL CONSUMPTIVE URGE.
Panel 5 (mouth in a dark maze with dots):
HE'S TRAPPED IN A MAZE WITH NO EXIT, BUT HIS FOOD CONSUMPTION IS SO OVERWHELMING, SO SENSUAL, THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE.
Panel 6 (the man and woman again):
Man: BUT IN THE MAZE THERE ARE GHOSTS. DEPARTED SPIRITS. DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CHASE HIM?
Woman: N-NO?
Panel 7 (blue and orange ghost figures, a piece of cheese):
GHOSTS CAN'T EAT. THEY ENVY EATERS BECAUSE FOOD IS THE DOMAIN OF THE GODS, AND THEY'VE BEEN DENIED IT. THEY ENVY THAT EATING NOT ONLY IS DEPRESSING, BUT REPULSIVE.
Panel 8 (ghosts near pink folds, a yellow dot):
THEN A BEING APPEARS WHO'S ONLY MOUTH. ONLY THERE TO EAT. ONLY THERE TO REMIND THEM HOW THE LONELY AND OPEN OF ITS METAPHYSIC, THAT THEY WILL NEVER AGAIN KNOW THE WARMTH OF A BEATING HEART OR THE CONTENTEDNESS OF A LOVER'S BED.
Panel 9 (mouth, ghosts, cherries):
SO THEY PURSUE THE MOUTH, LOATHING EACH FOOD PELLET AS THEY PASS IT, HATING THE FRUITY THAT HAUNTS EACH CORNER OF THE TANTALIZING PRODUCT OF WHATEVER MAD CREATOR BUILT THIS LABYRINTH.
Panel 10 (mouth):
WHEN THE MOUTH EATS THEM, THEY FIND AN ALMOST EROTIC SOLACE. IMPOTENT LIPSURE, THEY LIVE VICARIOUSLY AS THEY TWIST THROUGH THE TANGLED VISCERA OF THE MOUTH-MAN.
Panel 11 (ghosts):
BUT WITH EACH PSYCHIC EXCURSION, THE GHOSTS RECALL THEIR PURGATORIAL STATE WITH RENEWED HORROR, AND GROW FASTER, AND FASTER, AND FASTER.
Panel 12 (ghosts and mouth):
UNTIL THE MOUTH CAN RUN NO MORE, AND THE DEAD FALL UPON IT. UNABLE TO DIGEST THEY DESTROY, AND THE MOUTH-MAN'S CHEEKS ARE RENT, AND THE FINAL TASTE AND THE LIFE EXHALATION, FINDS THERE VERY HEART IS HIS FINAL TORTURES AS HE IS RIPPED INTO OBLIVION.
Panel 13 (the man, eyes closed):
Man: AND THEN... THE GAME BEGINS AGAIN.
Panel 14 (two silhouettes, the woman and the man):
Woman (silhouette): OUR GAMES ARE HORRIFYING.
Man (silhouette): OK, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON CENTIPEDE.
Votey:
Close-up sketch of a smug man's face. Speech bubble: DIG DUG IS A METAPHOR FOR LOVE.
Alt text
A tall black-and-white SMBC comic with a dramatic, mock-literary monologue about Pac-Man. It opens with an orange-haired man complaining that old video games are boring with no story; a woman asks if he's heard of Pac-Man. He says, half-defensively, that it's 'like Kafka wrote a Lovecraft story.' The next several panels abandon the people for surreal, lushly colored close-ups: a huge gaping mouth surrounded by glowing dots, fanged jaws, blue and orange Pac-Man-style ghosts with bulging eyes, and stray cherries and cheese floating in a dark maze. Over these images he narrates an overwrought tragedy: Pac-Man is a man who wakes one day to find he is nothing but a mouth, all his dreams atomized into a primal urge to consume, trapped in an exitless maze. The ghosts chase him out of envy because they cannot eat; eating them gives them a brief, erotic, vicarious solace as they twist through his innards, but each pass reminds them of their purgatory and they grow faster and faster until the mouth-man is torn apart and the cycle begins anew. We return to the man and woman, now in stark silhouette. The woman says, 'Our games are horrifying.' The man replies, 'OK, don't get me started on Centipede.' Votey (bonus panel): a rough sketch of a smug man's face declaring in a speech bubble, 'Dig Dug is a metaphor for love.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.