Super
Original: Super on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Superman: Lex Luthor is too powerful, even for me. I summon the greatest heroes of mythology!
Panel 2:
Beowulf (a bare-chested bearded man): Beowulf! We must overturn the meadbenches of other tribes! Take their stuff, give it to friends to gather their loyalty for the next battle!
Panel 3:
Superman: Well, specifically we're fighting villains.
Superman: We are FIGHTING whoever has glittering gold!
Panel 4:
Superman: Okay... how about... Cú Chulainn!
Panel 5:
Cú Chulainn (a woman with long hair, wielding a club): We will kill a thousand henchman and heap their corpses as a wall against counterattack!
Panel 6:
Superman: We don't need to kill anyone, we—
Cú Chulainn: You gonna make a wall with ZERO bodies? Is this a KINDERGARTEN?
Panel 7:
Superman: Achilles?
Panel 8:
Achilles (a man in a crested helmet): We will lay siege to Luthor's lair!
Achilles: Then kill him and drag his corpse around Metropolis so his family can WATCH.
Panel 9:
Superman: See, there we go.
Superman: Gee, I dunno if—
Panel 10:
Achilles: His women will work our looms and deck our beds!
Panel 11:
Superman (to Batman): Jeepers. If this is what heroes of the past were like, what are people gonna say about us in the future?
Panel 12:
Batman: I mean a LOT of people get killed every time we fight a giant robot or whatever.
Panel 13:
Superman: Well—
Batman: Plus we're an unelected unilateral judge, jury, and executioner.
Panel 14:
Batman: Our approach to heroics has likely contributed to the widespread belief that patience, prudence, and due process are evidence of recklessness or corruption.
Batman: Not to mention—AAA!
Panel 15:
Batman is struck and engulfed by a blast (apparently a heat-vision/laser beam).
Panel 16:
Achilles: Loot his body, boys!
Cú Chulainn: I think I can use him as a load-bearing corpse!
Votey: (none)
Superman: Lex Luthor is too powerful, even for me. I summon the greatest heroes of mythology!
Panel 2:
Beowulf (a bare-chested bearded man): Beowulf! We must overturn the meadbenches of other tribes! Take their stuff, give it to friends to gather their loyalty for the next battle!
Panel 3:
Superman: Well, specifically we're fighting villains.
Superman: We are FIGHTING whoever has glittering gold!
Panel 4:
Superman: Okay... how about... Cú Chulainn!
Panel 5:
Cú Chulainn (a woman with long hair, wielding a club): We will kill a thousand henchman and heap their corpses as a wall against counterattack!
Panel 6:
Superman: We don't need to kill anyone, we—
Cú Chulainn: You gonna make a wall with ZERO bodies? Is this a KINDERGARTEN?
Panel 7:
Superman: Achilles?
Panel 8:
Achilles (a man in a crested helmet): We will lay siege to Luthor's lair!
Achilles: Then kill him and drag his corpse around Metropolis so his family can WATCH.
Panel 9:
Superman: See, there we go.
Superman: Gee, I dunno if—
Panel 10:
Achilles: His women will work our looms and deck our beds!
Panel 11:
Superman (to Batman): Jeepers. If this is what heroes of the past were like, what are people gonna say about us in the future?
Panel 12:
Batman: I mean a LOT of people get killed every time we fight a giant robot or whatever.
Panel 13:
Superman: Well—
Batman: Plus we're an unelected unilateral judge, jury, and executioner.
Panel 14:
Batman: Our approach to heroics has likely contributed to the widespread belief that patience, prudence, and due process are evidence of recklessness or corruption.
Batman: Not to mention—AAA!
Panel 15:
Batman is struck and engulfed by a blast (apparently a heat-vision/laser beam).
Panel 16:
Achilles: Loot his body, boys!
Cú Chulainn: I think I can use him as a load-bearing corpse!
Votey: (none)
Alt text
A long SMBC comic. Superman, unable to beat Lex Luthor alone, summons the greatest heroes of mythology, but they turn out to be bloodthirsty. Beowulf (a bare-chested bearded man) wants to overturn other tribes' meadbenches, take their stuff, and buy loyalty for the next battle; Superman clarifies they're fighting villains, and Beowulf says they fight whoever has glittering gold. Cú Chulainn (a club-wielding woman) proposes killing a thousand henchmen and stacking the corpses into a defensive wall, mocking Superman (“You gonna make a wall with ZERO bodies? Is this a KINDERGARTEN?”) when he objects. Achilles (in a crested helmet) wants to siege Luthor's lair, drag his corpse around Metropolis so his family watches, and enslave the women to work looms and decorate beds. Superman turns to Batman and worries about how future people will judge modern heroes. Batman calmly agrees they're terrible: lots of people die whenever they fight a giant robot, and they're an unelected, unilateral judge, jury, and executioner whose example has spread the belief that patience, prudence, and due process signal recklessness or corruption. Mid-sentence Batman is blasted by a beam and screams “AAA!” In the final panel the mythological heroes cheerfully loot his smoking body, Achilles shouting “Loot his body, boys!” and Cú Chulainn saying she can use him as a “load-bearing corpse.” There is no votey.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.