Drive
Original: Drive on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with flame-like red hair: HEY, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT FOR THE LAST THREE GENERATIONS, AN EVER HIGHER PERCENTAGE OF INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE INFERTILE PEOPLE WHO WANT NON-STOP SEX WITH AVERAGE-LOOKING PEOPLE?
Panel 2:
Green alien: RIGHT. WE INTRODUCED A GENE DRIVE INTO YOUR SPECIES WHICH IS SLOWLY SPREADING THROUGH THE POPULATION, LEADING TO THE DEMISE OF HUMANITY UNLESS YOU TAKE CORRECTIVE ACTION.
Panel 3:
The red-haired man (now seen with attractive people around him): YEAH, LIKE WHO EVEN KNOWS WHY IT'S HAPPENING?
Panel 4:
Green alien: BECAUSE OF THE THING I JUST TOLD YOU.
Panel 5:
The red-haired man, standing among attractive partners: I SUPPOSE IT'LL REMAIN A MYSTERY FOREVER.
Votey:
The green alien: BY THE WAY WHAT'S YOUR CLOACA DOING TONIGHT?
Man with flame-like red hair: HEY, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT FOR THE LAST THREE GENERATIONS, AN EVER HIGHER PERCENTAGE OF INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE INFERTILE PEOPLE WHO WANT NON-STOP SEX WITH AVERAGE-LOOKING PEOPLE?
Panel 2:
Green alien: RIGHT. WE INTRODUCED A GENE DRIVE INTO YOUR SPECIES WHICH IS SLOWLY SPREADING THROUGH THE POPULATION, LEADING TO THE DEMISE OF HUMANITY UNLESS YOU TAKE CORRECTIVE ACTION.
Panel 3:
The red-haired man (now seen with attractive people around him): YEAH, LIKE WHO EVEN KNOWS WHY IT'S HAPPENING?
Panel 4:
Green alien: BECAUSE OF THE THING I JUST TOLD YOU.
Panel 5:
The red-haired man, standing among attractive partners: I SUPPOSE IT'LL REMAIN A MYSTERY FOREVER.
Votey:
The green alien: BY THE WAY WHAT'S YOUR CLOACA DOING TONIGHT?
Alt text
A five-panel comic. Panel 1: A man with flame-like red hair says, "Hey, have you noticed that for the last three generations, an ever higher percentage of incredibly attractive infertile people who want non-stop sex with average-looking people?" Panel 2: A green alien with large dark eyes replies, "Right. We introduced a gene drive into your species which is slowly spreading through the population, leading to the demise of humanity unless you take corrective action." Panel 3: The red-haired man, now shown surrounded by attractive people, says, "Yeah, like who even knows why it's happening?" Panel 4: The green alien deadpans, "Because of the thing I just told you." Panel 5: The man stands embraced by several attractive partners and says, "I suppose it'll remain a mystery forever." The joke: the alien plainly explains the cause of humanity's decline, but the oblivious, sexually-occupied human keeps treating it as an unsolvable mystery. Votey: A close-up of the green alien, who casually asks, "By the way, what's your cloaca doing tonight?"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.