Lesson
Original: Lesson on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (narration): They're growing us into super-soldiers for our own war. We have no immunity!
A soldier: My God! There's something else! We could too. It's farming!
Panel 2 (narration): The aliens were ruthless and singularly minded.
Panel 3 (narration): As disease and hunger heaped higher and higher, we feared that soon, no one would remain.
Woman: How will we ever survive in your eyes for 20 years, you would possess the colossal immune response needed to defeat them? But come on.
Panel 4 (narration): Our survivors found each other.
Man: Wow, you're a kindergarten teacher too?
Woman: Me three!
Another: Me three!
Panel 5 (narration): They formed into cooperative resistance bands.
Narration (within scene): It's monday May 12th and today's morning circle topic is revenge.
Panel 6 (narration): They could build anything from anything.
Woman: And now that the glue on this macaroni is dry, we give the pipecleaner a twist and... boop! Fully automatic.
Panel 7 (narration): The aliens had no idea when they landed for their foes were masters of patience and lovers of silence.
Sound effect: Tchk! Tchk!
Label/sign: A is for aggression
Panel 8 (narration): Once they struck, there was no recess from violence.
A woman (raising sword): And when you get to hell, tell them Ms. Frizzle sent you!
Panel 9 (narration): But it was not their innate hatred that vanquished the aliens.
Man: It's not normal life! Their bodies are like arp-ing onto a circuitously digital chronic combat with only the fittest disease allowed to mate! Frkkkin' shock!
Panel 10 (narration): Indeed, the aliens could flee, they fell dead where they had stood. For these little tiny humans were perfect, hyper-organized, biological war machines.
One human: Who wants to sing the cleanup song?
Other humans: Clean up! Clean up! Everybody let's clean up! Clean up!
Panel 11 (narration): So humanity was founded anew, this time oriented around kindness, reciprocity, and naps.
Woman: Now in a tidy society we will only sort objects by color, never people!
Panel 12 (narration): And no one ever forgot to thank their teacher.
Child: Thank you for teaching the apocalypse and repopulating the earth, Ms. Lisa!
Another child: And thank you for learning to read through stress!
Votey: (none)
A soldier: My God! There's something else! We could too. It's farming!
Panel 2 (narration): The aliens were ruthless and singularly minded.
Panel 3 (narration): As disease and hunger heaped higher and higher, we feared that soon, no one would remain.
Woman: How will we ever survive in your eyes for 20 years, you would possess the colossal immune response needed to defeat them? But come on.
Panel 4 (narration): Our survivors found each other.
Man: Wow, you're a kindergarten teacher too?
Woman: Me three!
Another: Me three!
Panel 5 (narration): They formed into cooperative resistance bands.
Narration (within scene): It's monday May 12th and today's morning circle topic is revenge.
Panel 6 (narration): They could build anything from anything.
Woman: And now that the glue on this macaroni is dry, we give the pipecleaner a twist and... boop! Fully automatic.
Panel 7 (narration): The aliens had no idea when they landed for their foes were masters of patience and lovers of silence.
Sound effect: Tchk! Tchk!
Label/sign: A is for aggression
Panel 8 (narration): Once they struck, there was no recess from violence.
A woman (raising sword): And when you get to hell, tell them Ms. Frizzle sent you!
Panel 9 (narration): But it was not their innate hatred that vanquished the aliens.
Man: It's not normal life! Their bodies are like arp-ing onto a circuitously digital chronic combat with only the fittest disease allowed to mate! Frkkkin' shock!
Panel 10 (narration): Indeed, the aliens could flee, they fell dead where they had stood. For these little tiny humans were perfect, hyper-organized, biological war machines.
One human: Who wants to sing the cleanup song?
Other humans: Clean up! Clean up! Everybody let's clean up! Clean up!
Panel 11 (narration): So humanity was founded anew, this time oriented around kindness, reciprocity, and naps.
Woman: Now in a tidy society we will only sort objects by color, never people!
Panel 12 (narration): And no one ever forgot to thank their teacher.
Child: Thank you for teaching the apocalypse and repopulating the earth, Ms. Lisa!
Another child: And thank you for learning to read through stress!
Votey: (none)
Alt text
A tall, multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a mock-epic story in which aliens try to farm humans as super-soldiers, but the humans who survive turn out to be kindergarten teachers. The narration boxes tell the tale solemnly while the panels show ordinary, cute scenes: survivors discovering they are all kindergarten teachers, sitting in a circle for a 'morning circle' topic of 'revenge,' and crafting a fully automatic weapon out of macaroni and a pipe cleaner. A sign reads 'A is for aggression.' A woman raises a sword and shouts, 'And when you get to hell, tell them Ms. Frizzle sent you!' The narration explains the humans defeat the aliens because they are hyper-organized biological war machines, then sing a cleanup song ('Clean up! Clean up! Everybody let's clean up!'). Humanity is refounded around kindness, reciprocity, and naps, with a teacher noting they will only sort objects by color, never people. In the final panel, children thank their teacher: 'Thank you for teaching the apocalypse and repopulating the earth, Ms. Lisa!' and 'And thank you for learning to read through stress!' The joke is the deadpan contrast between grand apocalyptic war narration and the gentle, orderly habits of kindergarten teachers. There is no votey.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.