Slam
Original: Slam on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Wrestler (a muscular man, shirtless): THIS WEEKEND I'M GONNA LAY YOU OUT, GOLDEN BOY! AND THEN I'M NOT GONNA SPIT ON THE NATIONAL FLAG.
Panel 2:
Interviewer (a bearded man in a suit, holding a microphone): DID YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SPIT ON IT? BUT YOU'RE THE VILLAIN. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO—
Wrestler: WRONG!
Panel 3:
Wrestler: I'M GONNA WRAP MYSELF IN THE FLAG, THEN MAKE CHEAP T-SHIRTS OUT OF IT, AND SELL THEM BACK TO CONSUMERS WHO THINK PROFITING FROM CULTURAL TOUCHSTONES INDICATES PATRIOTISM. HOOOOOOOOOO! WEAAAAAH!
Panel 4:
Wrestler: THEN, WHEN I GET THAT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT, I'M GONNA USE THE RESULTING NOTORIETY TO ERODE GOVERNMENTAL INSTITUTIONS. BAYBEEEEEE!
Panel 5:
Wrestler: BETTA BELIEVE I'M GONNA REDUCE CONFIDENCE IN PILLARS OF DEMOCRACY BY SOWING SEEDS OF DISTRUST AMONG THE PUBLIC, THUS WORKING TO GET ACTUALLY INCOMPETENT PEOPLE IN SEATS OF POWER, CREATING A VICIOUS CYCLE. BOYYYYEEEEE!
Panel 6:
Interviewer (now standing with the wrestler, both smiling): — (no dialogue, the wrestler grins)
Panel 7:
Two bystanders watch a wrestling match on a TV.
One bystander: I MISS WHEN WRESTLING VILLAINS WERE FOREIGNERS WITH FUNNY ACCENTS.
Wrestler (on TV, in a speech bubble): HOOOO DOGGY, YOU GONNA DISBELIEVE OFFICIAL STATISTICS!
Footer: PATREON.COM/ZACHWEINERSMITH SMBC-COMICS.COM
Votey:
A hand-drawn face (the wrestler) speaks.
Wrestler: THE MAIN THING IS THAT I AM ENTERTAINED.
Wrestler (a muscular man, shirtless): THIS WEEKEND I'M GONNA LAY YOU OUT, GOLDEN BOY! AND THEN I'M NOT GONNA SPIT ON THE NATIONAL FLAG.
Panel 2:
Interviewer (a bearded man in a suit, holding a microphone): DID YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SPIT ON IT? BUT YOU'RE THE VILLAIN. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO—
Wrestler: WRONG!
Panel 3:
Wrestler: I'M GONNA WRAP MYSELF IN THE FLAG, THEN MAKE CHEAP T-SHIRTS OUT OF IT, AND SELL THEM BACK TO CONSUMERS WHO THINK PROFITING FROM CULTURAL TOUCHSTONES INDICATES PATRIOTISM. HOOOOOOOOOO! WEAAAAAH!
Panel 4:
Wrestler: THEN, WHEN I GET THAT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT, I'M GONNA USE THE RESULTING NOTORIETY TO ERODE GOVERNMENTAL INSTITUTIONS. BAYBEEEEEE!
Panel 5:
Wrestler: BETTA BELIEVE I'M GONNA REDUCE CONFIDENCE IN PILLARS OF DEMOCRACY BY SOWING SEEDS OF DISTRUST AMONG THE PUBLIC, THUS WORKING TO GET ACTUALLY INCOMPETENT PEOPLE IN SEATS OF POWER, CREATING A VICIOUS CYCLE. BOYYYYEEEEE!
Panel 6:
Interviewer (now standing with the wrestler, both smiling): — (no dialogue, the wrestler grins)
Panel 7:
Two bystanders watch a wrestling match on a TV.
One bystander: I MISS WHEN WRESTLING VILLAINS WERE FOREIGNERS WITH FUNNY ACCENTS.
Wrestler (on TV, in a speech bubble): HOOOO DOGGY, YOU GONNA DISBELIEVE OFFICIAL STATISTICS!
Footer: PATREON.COM/ZACHWEINERSMITH SMBC-COMICS.COM
Votey:
A hand-drawn face (the wrestler) speaks.
Wrestler: THE MAIN THING IS THAT I AM ENTERTAINED.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic. A muscular shirtless pro-wrestler is interviewed by a bearded man in a suit holding a microphone. The wrestler boasts: 'This weekend I'm gonna lay you out, golden boy! And then I'm NOT gonna spit on the national flag.' The interviewer is confused: 'But you're the villain. You're supposed to—' The wrestler shouts 'Wrong!' and launches into an escalating villain monologue, growling 'Hoooo!' between threats: he'll wrap himself in the flag and sell cheap flag T-shirts to people who think profiting off cultural touchstones is patriotism; he'll use his championship notoriety to erode governmental institutions; he'll reduce confidence in the pillars of democracy by sowing distrust so that incompetent people gain power, creating a vicious cycle. In the final panel, two bystanders watch the match on TV; one says, 'I miss when wrestling villains were foreigners with funny accents,' as the wrestler on screen yells, 'Hooo doggy, you gonna disbelieve official statistics!' The joke is that the modern wrestling-heel villainy mirrors real-world political bad actors. Votey: a hand-drawn close-up of the wrestler's face saying, 'The main thing is that I am entertained.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.