Consciousness
Original: Consciousness on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A red-haired man in a red shirt stands on a vast curved alien surface, arms spread, looking up.
Man: ALIENS! SO WE'RE NOT THE ONLY CONSCIOUS LIFE!
Panel 2: A dark silhouette of an alien figure looms; a small dish/platform is visible.
Alien (off-panel/silhouette): YES YOU ARE.
Panel 3: A green alien wearing a purple tank top stands on a staircase, looking down at the small red-haired man below.
Alien: THIS IS THE ONLY PLANET WITH CONSCIOUSNESS. IT'S WEIRD.
Man: BUT-
Panel 4: The green alien gestures, standing on the stairs.
Alien: CONSCIOUSNESS ONLY COMES ABOUT WHEN YOU HAVE A "MIND" ACTUALLY MADE UP OF THOUSANDS OF INDIVIDUAL MODULES THAT ARE BARELY ON SPEAKING TERMS.
Panel 5: The green alien, eyes closed, holds what appears to be an umbrella, standing on the stairs.
Alien: IN THAT CONDITION, EVOLUTION'S BEST MOVE IS A WHOLE NOTHER LAYER THAT MONITORS ALL THE SHOUTING AND DETERMINES THE BEST ROUTES TO SEX AND FOOD.
Panel 6: Close on the alien's eye on the left; the red-haired man faces it on the right, looking skeptical.
Alien: EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE, YOU EITHER HAVE A SINGULAR PROCESSOR OR A HARMONIOUS PARALLEL SYSTEM.
Panel 7: Extreme close-up of the green alien's wide-eyed, manic, smiling face with two large googly-looking eyes.
Alien: YOU GUYS ARE LIKE A SACK OF CATS ON WHICH SOMEONE STUCK GOOGLY EYES ON.
Panel 8: Close-up of the red-haired man's face, looking stunned/amazed.
Man: MY GOD.
Panel 9: A dark scene, two silhouetted figures.
Man (silhouette): THAT'S THE GREATEST DEFINITION OF CONSCIOUSNESS I'VE EVER HEARD.
Alien (silhouette): WE USE IT FOR PAPERS WRITTEN ABOUT YOU.
Votey:
A simple black-and-white sketch of a cat's face in profile with a speech bubble.
Caption/Speaker: ONLY BEINGS WITH A RICH INTERNAL SACK-OF-CATS ARE WORTHY OF MORAL STANDING.
Man: ALIENS! SO WE'RE NOT THE ONLY CONSCIOUS LIFE!
Panel 2: A dark silhouette of an alien figure looms; a small dish/platform is visible.
Alien (off-panel/silhouette): YES YOU ARE.
Panel 3: A green alien wearing a purple tank top stands on a staircase, looking down at the small red-haired man below.
Alien: THIS IS THE ONLY PLANET WITH CONSCIOUSNESS. IT'S WEIRD.
Man: BUT-
Panel 4: The green alien gestures, standing on the stairs.
Alien: CONSCIOUSNESS ONLY COMES ABOUT WHEN YOU HAVE A "MIND" ACTUALLY MADE UP OF THOUSANDS OF INDIVIDUAL MODULES THAT ARE BARELY ON SPEAKING TERMS.
Panel 5: The green alien, eyes closed, holds what appears to be an umbrella, standing on the stairs.
Alien: IN THAT CONDITION, EVOLUTION'S BEST MOVE IS A WHOLE NOTHER LAYER THAT MONITORS ALL THE SHOUTING AND DETERMINES THE BEST ROUTES TO SEX AND FOOD.
Panel 6: Close on the alien's eye on the left; the red-haired man faces it on the right, looking skeptical.
Alien: EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE, YOU EITHER HAVE A SINGULAR PROCESSOR OR A HARMONIOUS PARALLEL SYSTEM.
Panel 7: Extreme close-up of the green alien's wide-eyed, manic, smiling face with two large googly-looking eyes.
Alien: YOU GUYS ARE LIKE A SACK OF CATS ON WHICH SOMEONE STUCK GOOGLY EYES ON.
Panel 8: Close-up of the red-haired man's face, looking stunned/amazed.
Man: MY GOD.
Panel 9: A dark scene, two silhouetted figures.
Man (silhouette): THAT'S THE GREATEST DEFINITION OF CONSCIOUSNESS I'VE EVER HEARD.
Alien (silhouette): WE USE IT FOR PAPERS WRITTEN ABOUT YOU.
Votey:
A simple black-and-white sketch of a cat's face in profile with a speech bubble.
Caption/Speaker: ONLY BEINGS WITH A RICH INTERNAL SACK-OF-CATS ARE WORTHY OF MORAL STANDING.
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired man in a red shirt stands on a vast alien surface and exclaims, "Aliens! So we're not the only conscious life!" A looming alien silhouette replies, "Yes you are." A green alien in a purple tank top, standing on a staircase above the small man, explains that this is the only planet with consciousness, and that it's weird. The man starts to object ("But-"). The alien continues: consciousness only arises when a "mind" is actually made up of thousands of individual modules barely on speaking terms, so evolution's best move is a whole extra layer that monitors all the shouting and finds the best routes to sex and food. Everywhere else in the universe, beings have either a singular processor or a harmonious parallel system. In an extreme close-up, the alien's face goes wide-eyed and manic as it declares, "You guys are like a sack of cats on which someone stuck googly eyes on." The man, stunned, says "My God," and adds in silhouette that it's the greatest definition of consciousness he's ever heard. The alien answers, "We use it for papers written about you." The joke: human consciousness is reframed as a chaotic kludge, an oddity studied by aliens. Votey (a small extra panel): a crude black-and-white sketch of a cat's face with a speech bubble reading, "Only beings with a rich internal sack-of-cats are worthy of moral standing."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.