Sirens
Original: Sirens on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Two men sit on a park bench by a pond throughout the comic: a younger man with red hair and glasses, and an older man with a long gray beard and glasses.
Panel 1
Red-haired man: Have you noticed that in the Iliad, the sirens aren't sexy? They just know secrets and have nice voices.
Panel 2
Red-haired man: Of course, sex wouldn't have tempted Odysseus to risk death.
Panel 3
Gray-bearded man: Have you noticed that in every decade of your life the sirens would have had to offer you something different?
Panel 4
Gray-bearded man (off-panel, narrating): Odysseus was maybe in his 30s when the Trojan War started. So, he's in his 50s by the time he sees the sirens.
(Scene shows a silhouetted figure approaching armed men on a ship's deck.)
Panel 5
Gray-bearded man: That's why they entice him with...
The sirens (two figures on a rocky isle surrounded by skulls/bones), singing: Stay thy ship that thou mayest listen to the voice of us two. For never yet has any man rowed past this isle in his black ship until he has heard the sweet voice from our lips. Nay, he has joy of it, and goes his way a wiser man. For we know all the toils that in wide Troy the Argives and Trojans endured through the will of the gods.
Panel 6
Red-haired man: They're offering truth. Wisdom. Context to make sense of his life path.
Panel 7
Gray-bearded man (narrating, over an image of two seagulls, one eating popcorn): If he were 40, they'd be offering respect. 30, it'd be money. 20, it'd be sex. 10, it'd be candy.
Panel 8
Gray-bearded man (narrating, over an image of two elderly women on the rocky isle): If Odysseus were a baby, the sirens would just be a giant pair of milky boobs with a high pitched voice.
Panel 9
Red-haired man: Well, I'm 60, so...
Panel 10
The sirens (calling out to a ship): Stay thy ship for we shall listen appreciatively to thy rambling stories...
Odysseus (off-panel, only his open mouth visible): Tie me! Tie me to the mast!
Votey:
A simply-drawn man speaks: Reminds me of when I was a boy tied to a mast. Of course back then masts were made with bakelite, which had to be imported from the— (cut off)
Panel 1
Red-haired man: Have you noticed that in the Iliad, the sirens aren't sexy? They just know secrets and have nice voices.
Panel 2
Red-haired man: Of course, sex wouldn't have tempted Odysseus to risk death.
Panel 3
Gray-bearded man: Have you noticed that in every decade of your life the sirens would have had to offer you something different?
Panel 4
Gray-bearded man (off-panel, narrating): Odysseus was maybe in his 30s when the Trojan War started. So, he's in his 50s by the time he sees the sirens.
(Scene shows a silhouetted figure approaching armed men on a ship's deck.)
Panel 5
Gray-bearded man: That's why they entice him with...
The sirens (two figures on a rocky isle surrounded by skulls/bones), singing: Stay thy ship that thou mayest listen to the voice of us two. For never yet has any man rowed past this isle in his black ship until he has heard the sweet voice from our lips. Nay, he has joy of it, and goes his way a wiser man. For we know all the toils that in wide Troy the Argives and Trojans endured through the will of the gods.
Panel 6
Red-haired man: They're offering truth. Wisdom. Context to make sense of his life path.
Panel 7
Gray-bearded man (narrating, over an image of two seagulls, one eating popcorn): If he were 40, they'd be offering respect. 30, it'd be money. 20, it'd be sex. 10, it'd be candy.
Panel 8
Gray-bearded man (narrating, over an image of two elderly women on the rocky isle): If Odysseus were a baby, the sirens would just be a giant pair of milky boobs with a high pitched voice.
Panel 9
Red-haired man: Well, I'm 60, so...
Panel 10
The sirens (calling out to a ship): Stay thy ship for we shall listen appreciatively to thy rambling stories...
Odysseus (off-panel, only his open mouth visible): Tie me! Tie me to the mast!
Votey:
A simply-drawn man speaks: Reminds me of when I was a boy tied to a mast. Of course back then masts were made with bakelite, which had to be imported from the— (cut off)
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. Throughout, two men sit on a park bench by a pond: a younger red-haired man in glasses and an older man with a long gray beard and glasses, discussing the sirens from the Odyssey. The red-haired man notes the sirens in the epic aren't sexy—they offer secrets and nice voices—because sex wouldn't tempt the aging Odysseus to risk death. The bearded man argues the sirens would offer something different in each decade of life: Odysseus is in his 50s by the time he hears them. An interlude shows the sirens on a skull-strewn rocky isle singing the actual Homeric lines: 'Stay thy ship that thou mayest listen to the voice of us two... For we know all the toils that in wide Troy the Argives and Trojans endured through the will of the gods.' The bearded man explains they're offering truth, wisdom, and context. He lists what sirens would tempt you with by age (shown over images of seagulls and elderly women): at 40 respect, 30 money, 20 sex, 10 candy, and as a baby just a giant pair of milky boobs with a high-pitched voice. The red-haired man says, 'Well, I'm 60, so...' In the final panel the sirens call, 'Stay thy ship for we shall listen appreciatively to thy rambling stories...' and an off-panel Odysseus eagerly shouts, 'Tie me! Tie me to the mast!'
Votey: A crudely-drawn man rambles, 'Reminds me of when I was a boy tied to a mast. Of course back then masts were made with bakelite, which had to be imported from the—' trailing off, illustrating the rambling-old-man joke.
Votey: A crudely-drawn man rambles, 'Reminds me of when I was a boy tied to a mast. Of course back then masts were made with bakelite, which had to be imported from the—' trailing off, illustrating the rambling-old-man joke.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.