look-3
Original: look-3 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Caption (pink box): FACT: SHOWN A PICTURE OF A NAKED MAN, HETEROSEXUAL MEN ARE MUCH MORE LIKELY THAN HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN TO LINGER ON HIS PENIS.
Woman: Why do you keep looking at his erection?
Man: If I looked at his pecs and forearms it'd be gay.
Panel 2:
Caption (pink box): FACT: AMONG PRIMATES, HUMANS HAVE EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE PENISES.
Child: Dad, why do you like the gorilla part of the zoo so much?
Father: Self-esteem.
Panel 3:
Caption (pink box): FACT: THE MOST PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION IS THAT LARGE WIENERS ARE NOT THERE TO IMPRESS WOMEN, BUT OTHER MEN.
Man in suit: Sir, I believe I'm worthy of promotion and I have the dick pix to prove it.
Panel 4:
Caption (pink box): STARTLING CONCLUSION: EVERYONE JOKES ABOUT "DICK-MEASURING CONTESTS," BUT THEY ARE IN FACT THE MOST EVOLUTIONARILY NATURAL FORM OF GOVERNANCE FOR MEN.
One man: Frank came in at 17cm long and 15cm circumference.
Other man: Excellent. He'll be the one I talk to about housing policy.
Votey:
A bald man (speaking): Glad we've stopped wearing pants on Capitol Hill.
Caption (pink box): FACT: SHOWN A PICTURE OF A NAKED MAN, HETEROSEXUAL MEN ARE MUCH MORE LIKELY THAN HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN TO LINGER ON HIS PENIS.
Woman: Why do you keep looking at his erection?
Man: If I looked at his pecs and forearms it'd be gay.
Panel 2:
Caption (pink box): FACT: AMONG PRIMATES, HUMANS HAVE EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE PENISES.
Child: Dad, why do you like the gorilla part of the zoo so much?
Father: Self-esteem.
Panel 3:
Caption (pink box): FACT: THE MOST PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION IS THAT LARGE WIENERS ARE NOT THERE TO IMPRESS WOMEN, BUT OTHER MEN.
Man in suit: Sir, I believe I'm worthy of promotion and I have the dick pix to prove it.
Panel 4:
Caption (pink box): STARTLING CONCLUSION: EVERYONE JOKES ABOUT "DICK-MEASURING CONTESTS," BUT THEY ARE IN FACT THE MOST EVOLUTIONARILY NATURAL FORM OF GOVERNANCE FOR MEN.
One man: Frank came in at 17cm long and 15cm circumference.
Other man: Excellent. He'll be the one I talk to about housing policy.
Votey:
A bald man (speaking): Glad we've stopped wearing pants on Capitol Hill.
Alt text
A four-panel comic, each panel topped with a pink fact box presenting a pseudo-scientific argument, illustrated by a deadpan scene below. Panel 1, FACT: shown a picture of a naked man, heterosexual men are much more likely than heterosexual women to linger on his penis. A woman asks a seated man, "Why do you keep looking at his erection?" He replies, "If I looked at his pecs and forearms it'd be gay." Panel 2, FACT: among primates, humans have exceptionally large penises. A child asks, "Dad, why do you like the gorilla part of the zoo so much?" The grinning father answers, "Self-esteem." Panel 3, FACT: the most plausible explanation is that large wieners are not there to impress women, but other men. A confident man in a suit tells his seated boss, "Sir, I believe I'm worthy of promotion and I have the dick pix to prove it." Panel 4, STARTLING CONCLUSION: everyone jokes about "dick-measuring contests," but they are in fact the most evolutionarily natural form of governance for men. Two suited figures stand together; one says, "Frank came in at 17cm long and 15cm circumference," and the other replies, "Excellent. He'll be the one I talk to about housing policy." Votey aftercomic: a crudely drawn bald man with wide eyes says, "Glad we've stopped wearing pants on Capitol Hill."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.