sleddy-problems
Original: sleddy-problems on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration/Caption: SCENARIO: You are in a runaway sled, headed toward Hrethric the Elder.
Panel 2:
Horned-helmet Viking (holding a sword): Gornak the Swallower of Souls has called him from this life! He is prepared and waiting! You must deliver him unto Gornak!
Panel 3:
Horned-helmet Viking: However, by switching course, you can run over five Wederlings, our sworn foes, and DOOM their dog-like spirits to the Land of Shadow and Humiliation!
Panel 4:
Hooded Viking: I think I doom the dog-souled ones to eternal tribulation and defilement.
Horned-helmet Viking: I too am a utilitarian.
Votey:
The horned-helmet Viking (close-up of his face), shouting: The greatest bad for the greatest number of enemies!
Narration/Caption: SCENARIO: You are in a runaway sled, headed toward Hrethric the Elder.
Panel 2:
Horned-helmet Viking (holding a sword): Gornak the Swallower of Souls has called him from this life! He is prepared and waiting! You must deliver him unto Gornak!
Panel 3:
Horned-helmet Viking: However, by switching course, you can run over five Wederlings, our sworn foes, and DOOM their dog-like spirits to the Land of Shadow and Humiliation!
Panel 4:
Hooded Viking: I think I doom the dog-souled ones to eternal tribulation and defilement.
Horned-helmet Viking: I too am a utilitarian.
Votey:
The horned-helmet Viking (close-up of his face), shouting: The greatest bad for the greatest number of enemies!
Alt text
A four-panel SMBC comic framing the classic trolley problem as a Viking dilemma. Panel 1, a caption reads: "SCENARIO: You are in a runaway sled, headed toward Hrethric the Elder." Two Vikings stand in a snowy landscape. Panel 2: a Viking in a horned helmet, holding a sword, declares that "Gornak the Swallower of Souls" has called Hrethric from this life and that they must deliver him unto Gornak. Panel 3: the horned Viking adds that by switching course they can instead run over five Wederlings, their sworn foes, and doom their "dog-like spirits to the Land of Shadow and Humiliation." Panel 4: a hooded Viking calmly chooses to doom the five dog-souled ones to eternal tribulation, and the horned Viking replies, "I too am a utilitarian." The joke recasts utilitarian trolley-problem reasoning as gleefully maximizing harm to enemies. Votey: a close-up of the horned Viking's face as he shouts the parody utilitarian motto, "The greatest bad for the greatest number of enemies!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.