together-3
Original: together-3 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A flying saucer hovers over a crowd of humans.
Alien (from the saucer): HUMANS! WE HAVE COME TO TELL YOU OF THE GLORIOUS FUTURE.
Panel 2: View of the saucer's underside / interior.
Alien: AS YOU KNOW, THE GOAL OF ALL ETHICS IS TO GENERATE THE MOST HAPPINESS.
Panel 3: A green alien stands on a gangway descending from the ship.
Alien: WE HAVE THEREFORE TAKEN ON THE PROJECT OF CONVERTING ALL MASS IN THE UNIVERSE INTO ONE VAST CIRCUIT OF EUPHORIA, DELIGHTING IN ITS OWN EXISTENCE FOREVER.
Panel 4: The alien continues. A group of humans listens.
Alien: BUT WE DON'T WANT THAT. WE DON'T WANT OUR PLANET AND OUR HISTORY AND OURSELVES TO LOSE ITS SPECIFICITY AND ITS IDENTITY. WE WANT TO BE US!
Panel 5: The alien on the gangway addresses one woman.
Alien: BUT... BUT WE'VE OBSERVED YOU, STEVE. YOU HATE YOUR JOB AND YOU SPEND YOUR WEEKEND SCROLLING VIDEOS AND FEELING SAD.
Panel 6: Close on the alien.
Alien: MARIANNE, 90% OF YOUR LEISURE TIME IS SPENT MANAGING ANXIETY AND SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEMS!
Panel 7: The alien gestures down the gangway at the humans.
Alien: YOU'RE ALL LIKE THIS! ALL THE TIME!
Panel 8: The alien, exasperated.
Alien: YOU HUMANS ARE REALLY GONNA CLING TO YOUR TINY BROKEN PERSONAL IDENTITIES WHILE EVERY OTHER SPECIES IN CREATION CONVERTS ITSELF TO A COSMOS-SPANNING RIVER OF PURE JOY?
Panel 9: A human in the crowd answers.
Human: IF WE'RE ALL THE SAME, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT HOW MY CAR IS BETTER THAN MY EX'S?
Panel 10: The alien, defeated, replies as the crowd is silhouetted below.
Alien: YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'RE BOTH BETTER OFF SEPARATE.
Votey:
A megaphone shouts.
Alien (offscreen, via megaphone): ENJOY WATCHING THE SURGE OF PURE BLISS FROM YOUR FUCKING OFFICE CHAIRS, YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINSES!
Alien (from the saucer): HUMANS! WE HAVE COME TO TELL YOU OF THE GLORIOUS FUTURE.
Panel 2: View of the saucer's underside / interior.
Alien: AS YOU KNOW, THE GOAL OF ALL ETHICS IS TO GENERATE THE MOST HAPPINESS.
Panel 3: A green alien stands on a gangway descending from the ship.
Alien: WE HAVE THEREFORE TAKEN ON THE PROJECT OF CONVERTING ALL MASS IN THE UNIVERSE INTO ONE VAST CIRCUIT OF EUPHORIA, DELIGHTING IN ITS OWN EXISTENCE FOREVER.
Panel 4: The alien continues. A group of humans listens.
Alien: BUT WE DON'T WANT THAT. WE DON'T WANT OUR PLANET AND OUR HISTORY AND OURSELVES TO LOSE ITS SPECIFICITY AND ITS IDENTITY. WE WANT TO BE US!
Panel 5: The alien on the gangway addresses one woman.
Alien: BUT... BUT WE'VE OBSERVED YOU, STEVE. YOU HATE YOUR JOB AND YOU SPEND YOUR WEEKEND SCROLLING VIDEOS AND FEELING SAD.
Panel 6: Close on the alien.
Alien: MARIANNE, 90% OF YOUR LEISURE TIME IS SPENT MANAGING ANXIETY AND SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEMS!
Panel 7: The alien gestures down the gangway at the humans.
Alien: YOU'RE ALL LIKE THIS! ALL THE TIME!
Panel 8: The alien, exasperated.
Alien: YOU HUMANS ARE REALLY GONNA CLING TO YOUR TINY BROKEN PERSONAL IDENTITIES WHILE EVERY OTHER SPECIES IN CREATION CONVERTS ITSELF TO A COSMOS-SPANNING RIVER OF PURE JOY?
Panel 9: A human in the crowd answers.
Human: IF WE'RE ALL THE SAME, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT HOW MY CAR IS BETTER THAN MY EX'S?
Panel 10: The alien, defeated, replies as the crowd is silhouetted below.
Alien: YOU KNOW WHAT, WE'RE BOTH BETTER OFF SEPARATE.
Votey:
A megaphone shouts.
Alien (offscreen, via megaphone): ENJOY WATCHING THE SURGE OF PURE BLISS FROM YOUR FUCKING OFFICE CHAIRS, YOU SHIT-FOR-BRAINSES!
Alt text
A ten-panel SMBC comic. A flying saucer descends over a crowd of humans, and a green alien on the ship's gangway announces it has come to tell humanity of the glorious future: since the goal of all ethics is to generate the most happiness, the aliens have undertaken converting all mass in the universe into one vast circuit of euphoria delighting in its own existence forever. The alien then says humans don't want that, they want to keep their specificity and identity and 'be us.' But it pivots, addressing individuals in the crowd: it points out that 'Steve' hates his job and spends weekends scrolling videos feeling sad, and that 'Marianne' spends 90% of her leisure time managing anxiety and self-esteem problems. Increasingly exasperated, the alien says humans are like this all the time, and asks if they're really going to cling to their tiny broken personal identities while every other species converts to a cosmos-spanning river of pure joy. A human answers: if we're all the same, how am I supposed to feel really good about how my car is better than my ex's? Defeated, the alien concedes, 'You know what, we're both better off separate.' In the votey (aftercomic), a single panel shows a megaphone blaring the alien's parting shot: 'Enjoy watching the surge of pure bliss from your fucking office chairs, you shit-for-brainses!'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.