intelligence
Original: intelligence on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Caption: It became possible to construct new genomes for artificial engineered humans.
Woman: Can you make our baby smarter?
Man: And use cup holders?
Panel 2:
Caption: Once it was possible to make desirable characteristics by superposing genomes...
Woman: It's going to be a long time before we can tune the maximum cognitive ability. But we can select what makes us caregivers they value.
Panel 3:
Caption: There came a more subtle approach.
Woman: Would you like seven greatgrandchildren? Jackpot!
Man: Here's everyone sporting my cup-holder gene!
Panel 4:
Caption: Despite being dead, Einstein became the fittest human being in history.
Sign: Welcome to Kindergarten
Panel 5:
Caption: This created an unexpected danger.
Woman: I love you, Albert, but somehow, in some way I don't understand, my body just won't let me sleep with you.
Man: Don't be irrational, Alba.
Panel 6:
Caption: A generation passed before we realized the danger by then it was too late.
Man: We hired them to correct genetic issues due to harmful superposing. They kept gaining to contaminate the nature of the cosmos.
Other figure: Yes, but perhaps gravity is an emergent property.
Panel 7:
Caption: His perpetual dream of physics fear of arno einstenheim and the supernatural to do the needed labor in sanitation, agriculture, and infrastructure.
Man: So Harvey must converge. But, oh dear, will really improve hidden variables.
Other figure: On the fundamental level, there's no such thing.
Panel 8:
Caption: Only a few of us were uncertain by the genetic catastrophe, the manic butterfly, and the remaining hippie communism.
Panel 9:
Caption: They want us not for our food, not for our shelter, for our untainted bloodlines.
Panel 10:
Caption: We were all once lovers of peace.
Figures (chanting): Gamma gamma gamma gamma gamma!
Panel 11:
Caption: And now? Now we know only war.
Panel 12:
Woman: Honey, I don't know if the world is ready for your original zombie movie setting.
Man: Then they'll find out the hard way.
Votey:
Text: No, you're wrong. This is exactly how inheritance works.
Caption: It became possible to construct new genomes for artificial engineered humans.
Woman: Can you make our baby smarter?
Man: And use cup holders?
Panel 2:
Caption: Once it was possible to make desirable characteristics by superposing genomes...
Woman: It's going to be a long time before we can tune the maximum cognitive ability. But we can select what makes us caregivers they value.
Panel 3:
Caption: There came a more subtle approach.
Woman: Would you like seven greatgrandchildren? Jackpot!
Man: Here's everyone sporting my cup-holder gene!
Panel 4:
Caption: Despite being dead, Einstein became the fittest human being in history.
Sign: Welcome to Kindergarten
Panel 5:
Caption: This created an unexpected danger.
Woman: I love you, Albert, but somehow, in some way I don't understand, my body just won't let me sleep with you.
Man: Don't be irrational, Alba.
Panel 6:
Caption: A generation passed before we realized the danger by then it was too late.
Man: We hired them to correct genetic issues due to harmful superposing. They kept gaining to contaminate the nature of the cosmos.
Other figure: Yes, but perhaps gravity is an emergent property.
Panel 7:
Caption: His perpetual dream of physics fear of arno einstenheim and the supernatural to do the needed labor in sanitation, agriculture, and infrastructure.
Man: So Harvey must converge. But, oh dear, will really improve hidden variables.
Other figure: On the fundamental level, there's no such thing.
Panel 8:
Caption: Only a few of us were uncertain by the genetic catastrophe, the manic butterfly, and the remaining hippie communism.
Panel 9:
Caption: They want us not for our food, not for our shelter, for our untainted bloodlines.
Panel 10:
Caption: We were all once lovers of peace.
Figures (chanting): Gamma gamma gamma gamma gamma!
Panel 11:
Caption: And now? Now we know only war.
Panel 12:
Woman: Honey, I don't know if the world is ready for your original zombie movie setting.
Man: Then they'll find out the hard way.
Votey:
Text: No, you're wrong. This is exactly how inheritance works.
Alt text
A tall multi-panel SMBC comic narrating a science-fiction history of genetically engineered humans. Early panels show a couple at a clinic asking to make their baby smarter and add 'cup holders,' as captions explain it became possible to construct new genomes with desirable traits by superposing existing genomes. Because Einstein's genome is repeatedly selected, a caption notes that 'despite being dead, Einstein became the fittest human being in history' over an image of a kindergarten full of Einstein-faced children. An unexpected danger arises: a woman tells a man named Albert that her body won't let her sleep with him; he, called Alba, says not to be irrational. Later panels, dense with garbled pseudo-scientific captions, show crowds of identical Einstein-faced clones marching, then chanting 'Gamma gamma gamma gamma gamma!' as captions move from 'we were all once lovers of peace' to 'and now? now we know only war,' ending on a clone holding up a glowing device like a torch. The final panel pulls back to reveal it was all a story: a woman tells a man, 'Honey, I don't know if the world is ready for your original zombie movie setting,' and he replies, 'Then they'll find out the hard way.' The bonus votey panel is a hand-lettered line in an empty frame reading: 'No, YOU'RE wrong. This is EXACTLY how inheritance works.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.