hominids
Original: hominids on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
A small ape-like creature (referred to as Charlotte's companion) standing on two legs in a savanna landscape, with another small ape (Charlotte) watching.
Charlotte's companion: "IS THAT GUY BIGGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?"
Panel 2:
Charlotte's companion: "NO, CHARLOTTE! HE'S JUST STANDING ON TWO LEGS! HE'S A TOTAL PHONY!"
Panel 3:
A distant upright bipedal figure is visible.
Charlotte's companion: "I THINK MAYBE HE'S REALLY BIG."
Charlotte: "NO CHARLOTTE! HE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART!"
Panel 4:
Close-up of the upright ape/early hominid standing on two legs with arms outstretched, while the two smaller apes look on from the distance.
Banner caption: "6 MILLION YEARS LATER"
Panel 5:
An older man with white hair, round glasses, a beard, and a suit (a professor figure) speaking.
Professor: "IT'S NOT CLEAR WHY BIPEDALISM EVOLVED, BUT IT IS THE MAJOR CULPRIT IN BACK PAIN, SPRAINED ANKLES, BROKEN TAILBONES AND HERNIATED DISCS."
Votey:
Close-up of the professor's face looking strained/awkward.
Professor: "BIPEDALISM IS ALSO AT WORK IN THE FACT THAT ONLY 34% OF SEX IS \"DOGGY STYLE.\""
A small ape-like creature (referred to as Charlotte's companion) standing on two legs in a savanna landscape, with another small ape (Charlotte) watching.
Charlotte's companion: "IS THAT GUY BIGGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?"
Panel 2:
Charlotte's companion: "NO, CHARLOTTE! HE'S JUST STANDING ON TWO LEGS! HE'S A TOTAL PHONY!"
Panel 3:
A distant upright bipedal figure is visible.
Charlotte's companion: "I THINK MAYBE HE'S REALLY BIG."
Charlotte: "NO CHARLOTTE! HE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART!"
Panel 4:
Close-up of the upright ape/early hominid standing on two legs with arms outstretched, while the two smaller apes look on from the distance.
Banner caption: "6 MILLION YEARS LATER"
Panel 5:
An older man with white hair, round glasses, a beard, and a suit (a professor figure) speaking.
Professor: "IT'S NOT CLEAR WHY BIPEDALISM EVOLVED, BUT IT IS THE MAJOR CULPRIT IN BACK PAIN, SPRAINED ANKLES, BROKEN TAILBONES AND HERNIATED DISCS."
Votey:
Close-up of the professor's face looking strained/awkward.
Professor: "BIPEDALISM IS ALSO AT WORK IN THE FACT THAT ONLY 34% OF SEX IS \"DOGGY STYLE.\""
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic set on a prehistoric savanna. In the first panels, small early apes watch a taller figure standing upright on two legs. One says, "Is that guy bigger than everyone else?" Another replies, "No, Charlotte! He's just standing on two legs! He's a total phony!" then "I think maybe he's really big," and warns, "No Charlotte! He'll break your heart!" A panel shows an early hominid standing fully upright with arms outstretched. A banner reads "6 million years later." In the final panel, a white-haired bearded professor in glasses and a suit lectures: "It's not clear why bipedalism evolved, but it is the major culprit in back pain, sprained ankles, broken tailbones and herniated discs." The joke: standing upright was viewed with suspicion by ancestral apes, and the modern punchline frames bipedalism as a source of bodily injury. Votey: a close-up of the strained-looking professor adding, "Bipedalism is also at work in the fact that only 34% of sex is 'doggy style.'"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.