subconscious-2
Original: subconscious-2 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A scientist (woman with light hair) speaks to a colleague.
Scientist: Great news! We've created a machine that can read the human subconscious.
Panel 2: A second scientist (man) responds, gesturing.
Second scientist: Thusfar, we've only been able to guess at what ultimately motivates human behavior. But, this is like trying to guess the ocean from a wave!
Panel 3: The first scientist, enthusiastic.
Scientist: Today we plumb the depths of the mind!
Panel 4: A close-up on a device/machine.
Sound effect: *click*
Panel 5: A wide-eyed face reacts.
Panel 6: The man scientist grins broadly.
Panel 7: A small figure (the test subject) sits, with a speech bubble.
Test subject: Huh.
Panel 8: The first scientist looks alarmed/wide-eyed; a red-haired colleague faces her.
Scientist: It's literally 100% embarrassing memories from between age 13 and 21.
Panel 9: The test subject (small figure).
Test subject: Everything we do is an attempt to escape or justify that one thing we did at freshman prom.
Panel 10: The first scientist holding a tablet/printout, then looking horrified.
Scientist: All of this... all of it is... oh damn I let the test subject read his own output.
Panel 11: Caption box: LATER...
A figure sits at a desk/computer. A quoted report reads: "Subject died via removing own head from body. Appeared quite happy."
Votey: A large close-up of a person's face with heavy-lidded, exhausted eyes and a flat mouth. A speech bubble above reads: "IRB's gonna be piiiissed".
Scientist: Great news! We've created a machine that can read the human subconscious.
Panel 2: A second scientist (man) responds, gesturing.
Second scientist: Thusfar, we've only been able to guess at what ultimately motivates human behavior. But, this is like trying to guess the ocean from a wave!
Panel 3: The first scientist, enthusiastic.
Scientist: Today we plumb the depths of the mind!
Panel 4: A close-up on a device/machine.
Sound effect: *click*
Panel 5: A wide-eyed face reacts.
Panel 6: The man scientist grins broadly.
Panel 7: A small figure (the test subject) sits, with a speech bubble.
Test subject: Huh.
Panel 8: The first scientist looks alarmed/wide-eyed; a red-haired colleague faces her.
Scientist: It's literally 100% embarrassing memories from between age 13 and 21.
Panel 9: The test subject (small figure).
Test subject: Everything we do is an attempt to escape or justify that one thing we did at freshman prom.
Panel 10: The first scientist holding a tablet/printout, then looking horrified.
Scientist: All of this... all of it is... oh damn I let the test subject read his own output.
Panel 11: Caption box: LATER...
A figure sits at a desk/computer. A quoted report reads: "Subject died via removing own head from body. Appeared quite happy."
Votey: A large close-up of a person's face with heavy-lidded, exhausted eyes and a flat mouth. A speech bubble above reads: "IRB's gonna be piiiissed".
Alt text
An eleven-panel SMBC comic. Two scientists announce they've built a machine that can read the human subconscious. One says they've only ever been able to guess at human motivation "like trying to guess the ocean from a wave," and now "today we plumb the depths of the mind!" The machine clicks on. After a beat (the subject says "Huh."), the scientist reports in alarm: the subconscious output is "literally 100% embarrassing memories from between age 13 and 21" — "everything we do is an attempt to escape or justify that one thing we did at freshman prom." She then realizes with horror that she let the test subject read his own output. A "LATER..." panel shows a report: "Subject died via removing own head from body. Appeared quite happy." The votey is a close-up of a weary-eyed scientist saying "IRB's gonna be piiiissed" — a joke about the ethics review board being furious over the lethal experiment.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.