specialization
Original: specialization on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title credits: Written by: Zach Weinersmith. Art by: Abby Howard.
Panel 1 (narration over a bell-curve graph): "According to sociology, about 5% of human beings are super weird." The graph's x-axis is labeled, left to right: AVERAGE, WEIRD, and a red arrow pointing to the right tail labeled THESE GUYS.
Panel 2 (narration): "As the human population grew, the absolute quantity of super weird people expanded." A group of people stand together; one man says: "I've just calculated a 73% stronger binding force that would also remove fewer atoms."
Panel 3 (narration): "Business leaders discovered a surprising opportunity..." A man at a desk says: "It's now possible to build a furniture facility and staff it entirely with people who experience transcendence when monitoring chair parts for defects!"
Panel 4 (narration): "Soon, regular people were less able to find work..." A woman explains: "It says here you have 25 years of experience at all levels of engine repair, but your fifth people doesn't say anything about an erotic attraction to unpaid overtime, but-" A man replies: "I'm sorry."
Panel 5 (narration): "The strange people were clustered by type. Sometimes I lie awake at night fantasizing about a more efficient cardboard box design." A woman says: "Marry me."
Panel 6 (narration): "...and more average people didn't possess the resources to have children." A man with a beard says: "I wish I'd married a real man, with a pathological desire to find multiple uses for leftover industrial cellulose!" A woman replies: "I won't have this argument again, I won't!"
Panel 7 (narration): "As the baseline human being became stranger, the outliers became ever more useful. It says here you have 25 years of experience in plumbing, but none of your extremities are shaped like Allen wrenches." A woman at a desk says: "But-" A man replies: "I'm sorry."
Panel 8 (narration banner): "Humanity speciated into endless forms most functional-" Three labeled vignettes follow.
Vignette 1, labeled AUTOMOTIVE REPARIANS: a person works under a car.
Vignette 2, labeled CHEMICAL ENGINEESE: a person at a lab bench.
Vignette 3, labeled COMPUTER PROGRAMMERFOLK: a figure at a glowing screen in the dark, with sound effects "TAP-A TAP-A TAP-A TAP-A."
Panel 9 (narration): "When the time came to merge with our tools, there was no humanity left but to oppose the change." A masked surgeon says: "We want to put some electrodes on your cerebellum so you're no longer able to stop thinking about industrial solvents." The patient says: "My whole life has been leading up to this moment."
Panel 10 (narration): "There are no machines. There is no nature. Only the drive to ever greater heights of productivity." Cyborg-like figures stand together.
Panel 11: A pale, partly-mechanical figure says: "It's better this way. Can you imagine what it was like being distracted by love, hope, and beauty when you really needed to focus on making smoother beryllium spheres? What a nightmare."
Votey: A loose line-drawing of a misshapen, distorted human face in profile, mouth open, with the handwritten caption: "Soooo... happy..."
Panel 1 (narration over a bell-curve graph): "According to sociology, about 5% of human beings are super weird." The graph's x-axis is labeled, left to right: AVERAGE, WEIRD, and a red arrow pointing to the right tail labeled THESE GUYS.
Panel 2 (narration): "As the human population grew, the absolute quantity of super weird people expanded." A group of people stand together; one man says: "I've just calculated a 73% stronger binding force that would also remove fewer atoms."
Panel 3 (narration): "Business leaders discovered a surprising opportunity..." A man at a desk says: "It's now possible to build a furniture facility and staff it entirely with people who experience transcendence when monitoring chair parts for defects!"
Panel 4 (narration): "Soon, regular people were less able to find work..." A woman explains: "It says here you have 25 years of experience at all levels of engine repair, but your fifth people doesn't say anything about an erotic attraction to unpaid overtime, but-" A man replies: "I'm sorry."
Panel 5 (narration): "The strange people were clustered by type. Sometimes I lie awake at night fantasizing about a more efficient cardboard box design." A woman says: "Marry me."
Panel 6 (narration): "...and more average people didn't possess the resources to have children." A man with a beard says: "I wish I'd married a real man, with a pathological desire to find multiple uses for leftover industrial cellulose!" A woman replies: "I won't have this argument again, I won't!"
Panel 7 (narration): "As the baseline human being became stranger, the outliers became ever more useful. It says here you have 25 years of experience in plumbing, but none of your extremities are shaped like Allen wrenches." A woman at a desk says: "But-" A man replies: "I'm sorry."
Panel 8 (narration banner): "Humanity speciated into endless forms most functional-" Three labeled vignettes follow.
Vignette 1, labeled AUTOMOTIVE REPARIANS: a person works under a car.
Vignette 2, labeled CHEMICAL ENGINEESE: a person at a lab bench.
Vignette 3, labeled COMPUTER PROGRAMMERFOLK: a figure at a glowing screen in the dark, with sound effects "TAP-A TAP-A TAP-A TAP-A."
Panel 9 (narration): "When the time came to merge with our tools, there was no humanity left but to oppose the change." A masked surgeon says: "We want to put some electrodes on your cerebellum so you're no longer able to stop thinking about industrial solvents." The patient says: "My whole life has been leading up to this moment."
Panel 10 (narration): "There are no machines. There is no nature. Only the drive to ever greater heights of productivity." Cyborg-like figures stand together.
Panel 11: A pale, partly-mechanical figure says: "It's better this way. Can you imagine what it was like being distracted by love, hope, and beauty when you really needed to focus on making smoother beryllium spheres? What a nightmare."
Votey: A loose line-drawing of a misshapen, distorted human face in profile, mouth open, with the handwritten caption: "Soooo... happy..."
Alt text
A long vertical SMBC comic (written by Zach Weinersmith, art by Abby Howard) telling a mock-evolutionary history of humanity merging with its tools. Panel 1: a bell-curve graph claims about 5% of humans are 'super weird,' with a red arrow pointing to the far right tail labeled 'THESE GUYS.' Following panels narrate how, as population grew, these intensely specialized weirdos became economically prized: a man boasts about calculating a stronger binding force; a business leader staffs a furniture factory entirely with people who feel transcendence inspecting chair parts. Regular people lose work—a hiring woman tells an applicant his resume lacks 'an erotic attraction to unpaid overtime,' and he meekly says 'I'm sorry.' Couples bond over fantasies of efficient cardboard-box design ('Marry me'). Over generations humanity 'speciates' into functional subtypes shown in three vignettes labeled Automotive Reparians, Chemical Enginese, and Computer Programmerfolk (a figure typing 'TAP-A TAP-A' in the dark). Eventually people eagerly merge with machines—a surgeon offers brain electrodes and the patient says 'my whole life has been leading up to this moment.' A final cyborg declares it's better to no longer be 'distracted by love, hope, and beauty' when you need to focus on 'making smoother beryllium spheres'—'What a nightmare.' Votey (aftercomic): a crude, distorted line-drawn human face in profile with its mouth hanging open, captioned in shaky handwriting 'Soooo... happy...', underscoring the hollow, dead-eyed contentment of the post-human worker.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.