the-new-thing
Original: the-new-thing on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A balding man in glasses, a purple jacket, and a yellow turtleneck stands and addresses an unseen audience.
Man: SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY HAVE REACHED THEIR LIMIT.
Panel 2: The man walks across a floor (legs visible).
Man: WE CAN NO LONGER KEEP RELEASING SLIGHTLY IMPROVED PHONES YEAR AFTER YEAR.
Panel 3: Close on the man, smiling slightly.
Man: FORTUNATELY, YOU DON'T USE MOST OF THEIR FEATURES ANYWAY.
Panel 4: The man, seen from behind, stands on a stage gesturing to a large crowd.
Man: FROM NOW ON, EACH YEAR WE WILL GENERATE A RANDOM AGGLOMERATION OF CHROME, PLASTIC, AND SILICON.
Panel 5: The man holds up a small light-blue gadget.
Man: SO. I INTRODUCE THE BRAND NEW TeleThing7(TM).
Panel 6: A small figure on a stage in the background; two audience members, a bearded man and a blonde woman, comment in the foreground.
Bearded man: IT APPEARS TO HAVE A BEVELED SOMETHING AND A TAPERED THINGY.
Blonde woman: BOLD CHOICES THIS YEAR. QUITE A STATEMENT.
Votey:
A loosely sketched close-up of a man's face.
Speech bubble: This is the emotion called happiness
Man: SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY HAVE REACHED THEIR LIMIT.
Panel 2: The man walks across a floor (legs visible).
Man: WE CAN NO LONGER KEEP RELEASING SLIGHTLY IMPROVED PHONES YEAR AFTER YEAR.
Panel 3: Close on the man, smiling slightly.
Man: FORTUNATELY, YOU DON'T USE MOST OF THEIR FEATURES ANYWAY.
Panel 4: The man, seen from behind, stands on a stage gesturing to a large crowd.
Man: FROM NOW ON, EACH YEAR WE WILL GENERATE A RANDOM AGGLOMERATION OF CHROME, PLASTIC, AND SILICON.
Panel 5: The man holds up a small light-blue gadget.
Man: SO. I INTRODUCE THE BRAND NEW TeleThing7(TM).
Panel 6: A small figure on a stage in the background; two audience members, a bearded man and a blonde woman, comment in the foreground.
Bearded man: IT APPEARS TO HAVE A BEVELED SOMETHING AND A TAPERED THINGY.
Blonde woman: BOLD CHOICES THIS YEAR. QUITE A STATEMENT.
Votey:
A loosely sketched close-up of a man's face.
Speech bubble: This is the emotion called happiness
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A balding man in glasses, a purple jacket, and a yellow turtleneck addresses an audience: 'Science and technology have reached their limit. We can no longer keep releasing slightly improved phones year after year. Fortunately, you don't use most of their features anyway.' Standing on a stage before a large crowd, he declares that from now on each year they will simply generate a random agglomeration of chrome, plastic, and silicon, then holds up a small blue gadget: 'So. I introduce the brand new TeleThing7.' Two audience members, a bearded man and a blonde woman, react earnestly to the meaningless product: 'It appears to have a beveled something and a tapered thingy.' / 'Bold choices this year. Quite a statement.' The joke: tech product launches have become so empty that a literally random object draws sincere fashion-critic praise. Votey (aftercomic): a loosely sketched close-up of a man's face with the caption, 'This is the emotion called happiness.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.