the-presidency
Original: the-presidency on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
An aide (woman with light skin, dark hair) addresses a newly inaugurated official.
Aide: "Welcome to the Oval Office, Madame President."
Madame President: "Yoop! Yoop!"
Panel 2:
Aide: "What else could it possibly be?"
Madame President: "The President of the United States shakes hands a lot. So I'm going to need the country that is technically the U.S. but minor."
Panel 3:
Aide: "I'm here to tell you that the President you may have thought was your job is your job, but the actual job is something far more important, but technically the U.S. but minor."
Madame President: "People who become president shake hands at higher rates than among else alive."
Panel 4:
Madame President: "Madame President, you are the leader of the most powerful, gross, intelligent germ-spreading group of antibodies in the history of humanity."
Aide: "Think about it. The tetanus vaccine was developed in 1924. Right after colliding came into office. Their polio vaccine was created in March of 1953. That's two months after Eisenhower came into office."
Panel 5:
Aide: "As president, you will have to interact with heads of state from around the world and shake hands with their local populations, when they shake your hand, you will be exposed to their entire pathogen load."
Panel 6:
Madame President: "You will be expected to deliver one part of blood every day to a hidden laboratory where its secrets can be probed."
Panel 7:
Madame President: "Wait... is that I just tripled the budget for medical research?"
Aide: "Be pragmatic."
Votey:
An off-panel speaker addresses a wide-eyed person.
Off-panel voice: "Now, we need you to lick these door knobs."
An aide (woman with light skin, dark hair) addresses a newly inaugurated official.
Aide: "Welcome to the Oval Office, Madame President."
Madame President: "Yoop! Yoop!"
Panel 2:
Aide: "What else could it possibly be?"
Madame President: "The President of the United States shakes hands a lot. So I'm going to need the country that is technically the U.S. but minor."
Panel 3:
Aide: "I'm here to tell you that the President you may have thought was your job is your job, but the actual job is something far more important, but technically the U.S. but minor."
Madame President: "People who become president shake hands at higher rates than among else alive."
Panel 4:
Madame President: "Madame President, you are the leader of the most powerful, gross, intelligent germ-spreading group of antibodies in the history of humanity."
Aide: "Think about it. The tetanus vaccine was developed in 1924. Right after colliding came into office. Their polio vaccine was created in March of 1953. That's two months after Eisenhower came into office."
Panel 5:
Aide: "As president, you will have to interact with heads of state from around the world and shake hands with their local populations, when they shake your hand, you will be exposed to their entire pathogen load."
Panel 6:
Madame President: "You will be expected to deliver one part of blood every day to a hidden laboratory where its secrets can be probed."
Panel 7:
Madame President: "Wait... is that I just tripled the budget for medical research?"
Aide: "Be pragmatic."
Votey:
An off-panel speaker addresses a wide-eyed person.
Off-panel voice: "Now, we need you to lick these door knobs."
Alt text
A seven-panel comic. A woman aide briefs a newly sworn-in Madame President in the Oval Office, explaining the secret real duty of the presidency. The dialogue, presented in dense word balloons, frames the President as a kind of human germ-collector: because presidents shake an enormous number of hands and are exposed to the entire pathogen load of world leaders and their populations, the office is reimagined as a tool for medicine. The aide notes vaccines historically appeared shortly after new presidents took office, and explains the President must deliver blood daily to a hidden laboratory so its disease-fighting secrets can be studied. In the final panel the President brightens and asks whether this means she just tripled the budget for medical research; the aide replies, "Be pragmatic." Votey: a crudely drawn wide-eyed face listens as an off-panel voice says, "Now, we need you to lick these door knobs."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.