2014-09-19
Original: 2014-09-19 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (homeowner): When we leave a room, the lights mysteriously go out.
Hooded man (an exorcist/priest figure): Thank you for coming. We don't know what to do.
Panel 2:
Woman: Other times, the TV will suddenly turn on and go to a particular channel.
Woman: Sometimes the thermostat will just turn off, even though we all want it on.
Panel 3:
Hooded man: Yes. Tell me. Is the channel always the weather channel?
Woman: Yes! But... how did you know?
Panel 4:
Hooded man: Your home has a dad living in it.
Woman: Oh god!
Panel 5:
Hooded man (raising a bundle): Come out! I order you to come out! Behold! I bear cargo shorts, socks, and sandals!
Panel 6:
A dad appears, wearing sunglasses, a polo shirt and shorts.
Dad: Ooh, sporty.
Hooded man: AHA!
Panel 7:
Hooded man: I command you to leave this place!
Dad: Why?
Panel 8:
Hooded man: It was purchased on a no-money-down adjustable-rate mortgage.
Dad: AHA! So imprudent!
Panel 9:
Hooded man: This house is now clean.
Votey:
(No words, except a small sound effect.) A figure reaches out toward a light switch on the wall.
Sound effect: *click*
Woman (homeowner): When we leave a room, the lights mysteriously go out.
Hooded man (an exorcist/priest figure): Thank you for coming. We don't know what to do.
Panel 2:
Woman: Other times, the TV will suddenly turn on and go to a particular channel.
Woman: Sometimes the thermostat will just turn off, even though we all want it on.
Panel 3:
Hooded man: Yes. Tell me. Is the channel always the weather channel?
Woman: Yes! But... how did you know?
Panel 4:
Hooded man: Your home has a dad living in it.
Woman: Oh god!
Panel 5:
Hooded man (raising a bundle): Come out! I order you to come out! Behold! I bear cargo shorts, socks, and sandals!
Panel 6:
A dad appears, wearing sunglasses, a polo shirt and shorts.
Dad: Ooh, sporty.
Hooded man: AHA!
Panel 7:
Hooded man: I command you to leave this place!
Dad: Why?
Panel 8:
Hooded man: It was purchased on a no-money-down adjustable-rate mortgage.
Dad: AHA! So imprudent!
Panel 9:
Hooded man: This house is now clean.
Votey:
(No words, except a small sound effect.) A figure reaches out toward a light switch on the wall.
Sound effect: *click*
Alt text
A nine-panel SMBC comic drawn as a parody of an exorcism, except the 'demon' being exorcised is a stereotypical suburban dad. A hooded exorcist visits a worried blonde woman whose house is haunted: lights mysteriously turn off when people leave rooms, the TV switches itself to the weather channel, and the thermostat shuts off even when everyone wants it on. The exorcist gravely diagnoses, 'Your home has a dad living in it,' and the woman cries 'Oh god!' Holding up a bundle of clothing like a holy relic, he commands, 'Come out! I order you to come out! Behold! I bear cargo shorts, socks, and sandals!' A dad in sunglasses and a polo appears, admiring the offering ('Ooh, sporty'). When the exorcist orders him to leave, the dad asks why; the exorcist reveals the house 'was purchased on a no-money-down adjustable-rate mortgage,' and the horrified dad gasps 'AHA! So imprudent!' and is banished. The final panel: 'This house is now clean.' In the votey (bonus panel), a person reaches out and flips a light switch with a small '*click*' sound, implying the dad's frugal lights-off habit has been inherited by the living.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.