2014-08-19
Original: 2014-08-19 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A beaver sits beside a tree.
Beaver: EVERY TIME I HAVE SEX, I PUT A NOTCH IN A TREE.
Panel 2: A tree with many notches cut into it.
Beaver (narration): EVENTUALLY, THERE ARE SO MANY NOTCHES THAT THE TREE FALLS.
Panel 3: The beaver gnaws at the base of the tree.
Beaver: I DRAG IT TO A RIVER AND STICK IT THERE ON THE PILE. ONCE THE PILE IS HUGE, I GET ON TOP OF IT.
Panel 4: The beaver stands proudly.
Beaver: AND I SHOUT, HEY! I HAD SO MUCH SEX THAT I TURNED A RIVER INTO A LAKE!
Panel 5: The beaver atop the dam pile, shouting.
Beaver: DO YOU HEAR ME, NATURE?! I BANGED MY WAY TO MAJOR ECOSYSTEM CHANGE!! WOOH!!
Panel 6: A man with a beard, wearing a hat, sits and writes on a clipboard.
First voice (off-panel): WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S SAYING?
Second voice (off-panel): NO DOUBT SOMETHING ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BIODIVERGITY.
Votey:
Handwritten note. The top line reads "Things I can't draw:" with both "can't" and the whole line scribbled out.
Things I can draw:
- noses
- circles
- rectangles(?)
Beaver: EVERY TIME I HAVE SEX, I PUT A NOTCH IN A TREE.
Panel 2: A tree with many notches cut into it.
Beaver (narration): EVENTUALLY, THERE ARE SO MANY NOTCHES THAT THE TREE FALLS.
Panel 3: The beaver gnaws at the base of the tree.
Beaver: I DRAG IT TO A RIVER AND STICK IT THERE ON THE PILE. ONCE THE PILE IS HUGE, I GET ON TOP OF IT.
Panel 4: The beaver stands proudly.
Beaver: AND I SHOUT, HEY! I HAD SO MUCH SEX THAT I TURNED A RIVER INTO A LAKE!
Panel 5: The beaver atop the dam pile, shouting.
Beaver: DO YOU HEAR ME, NATURE?! I BANGED MY WAY TO MAJOR ECOSYSTEM CHANGE!! WOOH!!
Panel 6: A man with a beard, wearing a hat, sits and writes on a clipboard.
First voice (off-panel): WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S SAYING?
Second voice (off-panel): NO DOUBT SOMETHING ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BIODIVERGITY.
Votey:
Handwritten note. The top line reads "Things I can't draw:" with both "can't" and the whole line scribbled out.
Things I can draw:
- noses
- circles
- rectangles(?)
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A cartoon beaver explains its mating habits: 'Every time I have sex, I put a notch in a tree.' Panel two shows a tree covered in many notches; eventually so many notches accumulate that the tree falls. The beaver drags the tree to a river and adds it to a pile, then climbs on top once the pile is huge and shouts, 'I had so much sex that I turned a river into a lake!' It proclaims, 'Do you hear me, Nature?! I banged my way to major ecosystem change!! Wooh!!' In the final panel, a bearded man in a hat sits writing on a clipboard while two off-panel observers comment: 'What do you think he's saying?' 'No doubt something about the importance of biodivergity.' The joke: a beaver building a dam is bragging about sex, while clueless scientists assume it's making a noble point about biodiversity. Votey (bonus panel): a handwritten note where 'Things I can't draw:' is crossed out and replaced with 'Things I can draw:' listing '- noses, - circles, - rectangles(?)' — a self-deprecating joke about the cartoonist's limited drawing skills.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.