2014-08-25
Original: 2014-08-25 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (narration banner): WE FINISHED ALL THE PHYSICS WE COULD DO.
Green alien: THERE ARE STILL THINGS THAT MADE NO SENSE, BUT WE KEPT REACHING THE SAME THEORETICAL DEAD ENDS.
Panel 2 (narration banner): WE REALIZED OUR SCIENTISTS HAD GROWN TOO INTELLECTUALLY INCESTUOUS.
Green alien: WHAT IF WE SET UP AN INTELLIGENCE TIDE-POOL? A WHOLE PLANET THAT KNOWS NOTHING OF SCIENCE. THEN WE COULD RETURN LATER TO SEE THEIR PHYSICS, AND MAYBE THEY'D HAVE SOLUTIONS.
Panel 3 (narration banner): EARTH WAS ONE OF THE MANY WORLDS WE APPROACHED.
Green alien: WE SHALL TAKE THESE LIZARDS AND EVOLVE THEM INTO GREAT REASONERS.
Panel 4 (narration banner): THE FIRST TIDE-POOL FAILED, SO WE FLUSHED IT.
Green alien: THEY WERE TOO LOGICAL, SO WE REPEATED OUR STEPS. SEND ASTEROIDS, AND THEN EVOLVE THE SURVIVORS INTO BIRDS.
Panel 5 (narration banner): WE BEGAN AGAIN.
Green alien (left): LET'S TAKE THIS APE AND GIVE IT A GIANT BRAIN.
Green alien (right): SHOULD WE ALSO MAKE THE BIRTH CANAL LARGER TO ACCOMODATE THAT?
Green alien (left): LADY, I GOT FIFTY MORE PLANETS TODAY, OKAY?
Panel 6 (narration banner): YOU APES TOOK A PECULIARLY CIRCUITOUS ROUTE TO ENLIGHTENMENT.
Human in robe: THERE IS A GREAT LIBRARY IN ALEXANDRIA.
Green alien: SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE THEM DOWN A PEG.
Panel 7 (narration banner): BUT FINALLY YOU BEGAN TO PROBE THE SECRETS OF REALITY.
Scientist: WE CAN MAKE A ROCKET.
Second figure: SURE?
Third figure: CAN IT EXPLODE CITIES? WELL FUND IT.
Panel 8 (narration banner): AND SO WE RETURNED TO CONSIDER YOUR TIDEPOOL ONCE MORE.
(A flying saucer approaches the Earth.)
Panel 9 (narration banner): WE WERE OVERJOYED AT THE SCIENTIFIC DELIGHTS YOU CREATED.
Green alien (holding a book labeled PHYSICS): THIS IS BRILLIANT! I'VE GOT TO TELL EVERYONE BACK ON ZORBLAX!
Panel 10 (narration banner): WONDERS NEVER DREAMT BY OTHER SPECIES!
Green alien: EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS!
(A flying saucer streaks away from the Earth.)
Panel 11 (narration banner): AND FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
Green alien: AND THEY BELIEVE IN "CONSERVATION OF ENERGY!" HAHAHAHA!
Votey:
Speech (continuing): AND IN "ENERGY!"
(A face is doubled over laughing hysterically, eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open.)
Green alien: THERE ARE STILL THINGS THAT MADE NO SENSE, BUT WE KEPT REACHING THE SAME THEORETICAL DEAD ENDS.
Panel 2 (narration banner): WE REALIZED OUR SCIENTISTS HAD GROWN TOO INTELLECTUALLY INCESTUOUS.
Green alien: WHAT IF WE SET UP AN INTELLIGENCE TIDE-POOL? A WHOLE PLANET THAT KNOWS NOTHING OF SCIENCE. THEN WE COULD RETURN LATER TO SEE THEIR PHYSICS, AND MAYBE THEY'D HAVE SOLUTIONS.
Panel 3 (narration banner): EARTH WAS ONE OF THE MANY WORLDS WE APPROACHED.
Green alien: WE SHALL TAKE THESE LIZARDS AND EVOLVE THEM INTO GREAT REASONERS.
Panel 4 (narration banner): THE FIRST TIDE-POOL FAILED, SO WE FLUSHED IT.
Green alien: THEY WERE TOO LOGICAL, SO WE REPEATED OUR STEPS. SEND ASTEROIDS, AND THEN EVOLVE THE SURVIVORS INTO BIRDS.
Panel 5 (narration banner): WE BEGAN AGAIN.
Green alien (left): LET'S TAKE THIS APE AND GIVE IT A GIANT BRAIN.
Green alien (right): SHOULD WE ALSO MAKE THE BIRTH CANAL LARGER TO ACCOMODATE THAT?
Green alien (left): LADY, I GOT FIFTY MORE PLANETS TODAY, OKAY?
Panel 6 (narration banner): YOU APES TOOK A PECULIARLY CIRCUITOUS ROUTE TO ENLIGHTENMENT.
Human in robe: THERE IS A GREAT LIBRARY IN ALEXANDRIA.
Green alien: SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE THEM DOWN A PEG.
Panel 7 (narration banner): BUT FINALLY YOU BEGAN TO PROBE THE SECRETS OF REALITY.
Scientist: WE CAN MAKE A ROCKET.
Second figure: SURE?
Third figure: CAN IT EXPLODE CITIES? WELL FUND IT.
Panel 8 (narration banner): AND SO WE RETURNED TO CONSIDER YOUR TIDEPOOL ONCE MORE.
(A flying saucer approaches the Earth.)
Panel 9 (narration banner): WE WERE OVERJOYED AT THE SCIENTIFIC DELIGHTS YOU CREATED.
Green alien (holding a book labeled PHYSICS): THIS IS BRILLIANT! I'VE GOT TO TELL EVERYONE BACK ON ZORBLAX!
Panel 10 (narration banner): WONDERS NEVER DREAMT BY OTHER SPECIES!
Green alien: EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS!
(A flying saucer streaks away from the Earth.)
Panel 11 (narration banner): AND FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
Green alien: AND THEY BELIEVE IN "CONSERVATION OF ENERGY!" HAHAHAHA!
Votey:
Speech (continuing): AND IN "ENERGY!"
(A face is doubled over laughing hysterically, eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open.)
Alt text
An eleven-panel SMBC comic told as a green alien's recounting, each panel topped by a pink narration banner. The aliens explain that they finished all the physics they could do but kept hitting theoretical dead ends, and decided their own scientists had grown too 'intellectually incestuous.' So they set up Earth as an 'intelligence tide-pool': a planet kept ignorant of science that they could revisit later for fresh answers. They evolve lizards into reasoners, but the first attempt is 'too logical' so they flush it with asteroids and try birds, then apes. Two aliens debate giving an ape a giant brain; one waves off enlarging the birth canal because he has 'fifty more planets today.' They mock humanity's circuitous route (a robed figure mentions the great library of Alexandria; the alien says someone needs taking down a peg), then note humans probe reality mostly to build rockets that 'explode cities.' A flying saucer returns to Earth and an alien, holding a book labeled PHYSICS, gushes that it is brilliant and he must tell everyone back on Zorblax. The saucer streaks away. In the final panel the alien laughs that the humans 'believe in conservation of energy!' The votey punchline shows the alien doubled over in hysterical laughter, adding 'AND IN ENERGY!' The joke: humans were a manufactured think-tank, and what the advanced aliens find absurdly funny is that humans believe energy is conserved (and even believe energy exists at all).
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.