2013-03-08
Original: 2013-03-08 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narrator (woman speaking to a man): HAMLET'S TRAGIC FLAW IS THAT HE'S AN ANTISOCIAL GEEK.
Man: WHAT?
Man (thought/aside): "DAMN. ABOUT 2."
Panel 2:
Woman: HIS DAD IS MURDERED AND HIS MOM MARRIES HIS UNCLE, AND HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING. ECCH. IT'D BE REALLY SOCIALLY AWKWARD IF I STARTED ASKING QUESTIONS.
Panel 3:
Woman: THEN, HE ONLY CONFRONTS ACTORS WHEN HE CAN COME AS A GHOST AND INSIST ON IT.
Hamlet (as ghost): CHRIST! DO SOMETHING!
King: WHY ARE YOU SOME MURDERED BY THE GHOST? OBADIAH BUT... HUH?
Hamlet (ghost): NEED TO LEAVE YOUR ROOM MORE, SON.
Panel 4:
Woman: PEOPLE SAY HAMLET IS TIRED OF ACTING CRAZY, BUT THE TRUTH IS HE WAS JUST ALWAYS THAT SOCIALLY INEPT. HE THAT'S JUST HOW HE TALKS.
Woman: I AM MAD SOUTH-NORTH-WEST! WHEN THE WIND IS SOUTHERLY, I KNOW A HAWK FROM A HANDSAW!
Hamlet (aside): PRETTY SURE THAT WOULDN'T PASS THE TURING TEST, MAN.
Panel 5:
Woman: HE'S SO ANTISOCIAL, HE DIDN'T TELL HIS UNCLE BECAUSE IT'S TOO AWKWARD, BUT IN THE ONE PART WHERE HE FINALLY SHOW UP HE KILLS THEM.
Woman: HE TRIED TO BE CHUMMY WITH ME.
Rosencrantz/Guildenstern figures: WHERE'D ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN GO?
Panel 6:
Woman: THE ONLY PEOPLE HE GETS ALONG WITH ARE AN EMOTIONLESS STIFF AND A... SKULL.
(Two framed photos shown: one of a man labeled "SEE Yorick" / "SEE Horatio," one of a skull labeled "NOT So Yorick")
Panel 7:
Woman: HE WAS PROBABLY THINKING SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHEN HE PULLED HIS COLD-FISH SOMETHING SLOW-DOWN-AND-DO-ENERGY DANCE. (paraphrased) I COULD NEVER HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
Panel 8 (final):
Man: SO HAMLET'S TRAGIC FLAW IS BEING A GEEKY LOSER?
Woman: HE LIVES WITH A SKELETON AND EVERYONE LIKE 4 THOUGHT IT WAS OBVIOUS.
Votey:
(A close-up of a person with a content, slightly smug expression, speech bubble:) TO BE OR TO DO IT LATER...
Narrator (woman speaking to a man): HAMLET'S TRAGIC FLAW IS THAT HE'S AN ANTISOCIAL GEEK.
Man: WHAT?
Man (thought/aside): "DAMN. ABOUT 2."
Panel 2:
Woman: HIS DAD IS MURDERED AND HIS MOM MARRIES HIS UNCLE, AND HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING. ECCH. IT'D BE REALLY SOCIALLY AWKWARD IF I STARTED ASKING QUESTIONS.
Panel 3:
Woman: THEN, HE ONLY CONFRONTS ACTORS WHEN HE CAN COME AS A GHOST AND INSIST ON IT.
Hamlet (as ghost): CHRIST! DO SOMETHING!
King: WHY ARE YOU SOME MURDERED BY THE GHOST? OBADIAH BUT... HUH?
Hamlet (ghost): NEED TO LEAVE YOUR ROOM MORE, SON.
Panel 4:
Woman: PEOPLE SAY HAMLET IS TIRED OF ACTING CRAZY, BUT THE TRUTH IS HE WAS JUST ALWAYS THAT SOCIALLY INEPT. HE THAT'S JUST HOW HE TALKS.
Woman: I AM MAD SOUTH-NORTH-WEST! WHEN THE WIND IS SOUTHERLY, I KNOW A HAWK FROM A HANDSAW!
Hamlet (aside): PRETTY SURE THAT WOULDN'T PASS THE TURING TEST, MAN.
Panel 5:
Woman: HE'S SO ANTISOCIAL, HE DIDN'T TELL HIS UNCLE BECAUSE IT'S TOO AWKWARD, BUT IN THE ONE PART WHERE HE FINALLY SHOW UP HE KILLS THEM.
Woman: HE TRIED TO BE CHUMMY WITH ME.
Rosencrantz/Guildenstern figures: WHERE'D ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN GO?
Panel 6:
Woman: THE ONLY PEOPLE HE GETS ALONG WITH ARE AN EMOTIONLESS STIFF AND A... SKULL.
(Two framed photos shown: one of a man labeled "SEE Yorick" / "SEE Horatio," one of a skull labeled "NOT So Yorick")
Panel 7:
Woman: HE WAS PROBABLY THINKING SOMETHING LIKE THIS WHEN HE PULLED HIS COLD-FISH SOMETHING SLOW-DOWN-AND-DO-ENERGY DANCE. (paraphrased) I COULD NEVER HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
Panel 8 (final):
Man: SO HAMLET'S TRAGIC FLAW IS BEING A GEEKY LOSER?
Woman: HE LIVES WITH A SKELETON AND EVERYONE LIKE 4 THOUGHT IT WAS OBVIOUS.
Votey:
(A close-up of a person with a content, slightly smug expression, speech bubble:) TO BE OR TO DO IT LATER...
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A woman with reddish hair lectures a skeptical man (who reacts with confusion and an exasperated aside) about her theory that Hamlet's tragic flaw is that he is an antisocial geek. Over several panels she illustrates her argument: Hamlet stays silent when his father is murdered and his mother marries his uncle because confrontation would be socially awkward; he only confronts people as a ghost insisting on it; his famous odd lines ('I am but mad north-north-west; when the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw') are framed as him just being socially inept and failing a Turing test; he avoids his uncle because it's too awkward but then kills people; and the only company he keeps is 'an emotionless stiff and a skull,' shown as two framed portraits (a man, and a skull). In the final panel the man asks, 'So Hamlet's tragic flaw is being a geeky loser?' and she replies that he lives with a skeleton and everyone thought it was obvious. Votey: a black-and-white close-up of a calm, slightly smug face with a speech bubble reading 'TO BE OR TO DO IT LATER...', a pun on Hamlet's 'To be or not to be' soliloquy reframed as procrastination.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.