2013-03-06
Original: 2013-03-06 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: Two green aliens stand on the bridge of a spaceship, a control console between them and a star-filled window behind. One alien gestures in frustration.
First alien: DAMMIT! I DON'T GET IT! WE DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE THE CAPTIVE HUMANS HAPPY, BUT THEY WON'T BREED.
Panel 2: Close on the first alien.
First alien: WE GIVE THEM ENTERTAINMENT, EXPENSIVE FOOD, SEX TOYS, COMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS!
Panel 3: Close on the second alien, looking distressed.
Second alien: NET NEW HUMANS? ZERO!
Panel 4: The first alien raises an arm in disgust while the second alien stands by.
First alien: SO THAT'S IT! I'M PULLING THE PLUG ON THE HUMAN EXPERIMENT! THEY CAN ROT!
Panel 5: Two naked humans sit on the floor of a bare, empty room.
First human: TV'S GONE.
Second human: WANNA HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
First human: SURE, WHY NOT?
Votey:
Two speech bubbles over a black panel.
First human: OH BABY! THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS TV!
Second human: DEPENDS ON THE STATION.
First human: OBVIOUSLY.
First alien: DAMMIT! I DON'T GET IT! WE DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE THE CAPTIVE HUMANS HAPPY, BUT THEY WON'T BREED.
Panel 2: Close on the first alien.
First alien: WE GIVE THEM ENTERTAINMENT, EXPENSIVE FOOD, SEX TOYS, COMFORTABLE SURROUNDINGS!
Panel 3: Close on the second alien, looking distressed.
Second alien: NET NEW HUMANS? ZERO!
Panel 4: The first alien raises an arm in disgust while the second alien stands by.
First alien: SO THAT'S IT! I'M PULLING THE PLUG ON THE HUMAN EXPERIMENT! THEY CAN ROT!
Panel 5: Two naked humans sit on the floor of a bare, empty room.
First human: TV'S GONE.
Second human: WANNA HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
First human: SURE, WHY NOT?
Votey:
Two speech bubbles over a black panel.
First human: OH BABY! THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD AS TV!
Second human: DEPENDS ON THE STATION.
First human: OBVIOUSLY.
Alt text
A five-panel comic. Two green aliens on a spaceship bridge are frustrated that their captive humans won't breed despite being given entertainment, expensive food, sex toys, and comfortable surroundings. One alien declares net new humans is ZERO and announces he's pulling the plug on the human experiment, leaving them to rot. The final panel shows two naked humans sitting in a now-bare room; one says 'TV's gone,' the other asks 'Wanna have unprotected sex?' and gets 'Sure, why not?' The joke: removing the entertainment is exactly what makes the humans breed. Votey: the humans afterward say it was 'almost as good as TV,' with the reply 'Depends on the station' and 'Obviously.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.