2012-10-06
Original: 2012-10-06 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man in suit: The first thing you must do is seize the treasury with that, you can control the military.
Baby: goo?
Panel 2:
Man in suit: Once you have the armies, determine which people have the greatest say over your maintenance of authority.
Panel 3:
Man in suit: Select sixty percent of them, and give them gifts extravagant enough to make them dependant.
Baby: ga ga?
Panel 4:
Man in suit: The remaining forty percent? Give them important missions in foreign lands that withdraw support before they are complete. The inevitable mission failure will result in public disgrace and possibly death.
Panel 5:
Man in suit: Now, slowly reduce the population of the sixty percent. Use the extra money to increase their dependence while growing the military next...
Woman (off-panel): Are you turning Bobby into an autocrat in there?!
Panel 6:
Man in suit: No, honey!
Panel 7:
(Baby makes a raspberry sound) pfbbbttt!
Man in suit (quietly): Don't worry. She's part of the forty percent.
Votey:
Woman: You should go for groceries.
Woman: Is there gas in the car?
Man (muttering): She-devil!
Man in suit: The first thing you must do is seize the treasury with that, you can control the military.
Baby: goo?
Panel 2:
Man in suit: Once you have the armies, determine which people have the greatest say over your maintenance of authority.
Panel 3:
Man in suit: Select sixty percent of them, and give them gifts extravagant enough to make them dependant.
Baby: ga ga?
Panel 4:
Man in suit: The remaining forty percent? Give them important missions in foreign lands that withdraw support before they are complete. The inevitable mission failure will result in public disgrace and possibly death.
Panel 5:
Man in suit: Now, slowly reduce the population of the sixty percent. Use the extra money to increase their dependence while growing the military next...
Woman (off-panel): Are you turning Bobby into an autocrat in there?!
Panel 6:
Man in suit: No, honey!
Panel 7:
(Baby makes a raspberry sound) pfbbbttt!
Man in suit (quietly): Don't worry. She's part of the forty percent.
Votey:
Woman: You should go for groceries.
Woman: Is there gas in the car?
Man (muttering): She-devil!
Alt text
A multi-panel SMBC comic. A man in a dark suit calmly tutors a bald baby in seizing power. He explains: first seize the treasury to control the military; then determine who has the greatest say over your authority; select sixty percent of them and make them dependent with extravagant gifts; send the remaining forty percent on doomed foreign missions that end in disgrace or death; then slowly reduce the sixty percent's population while growing the military. The baby only responds with 'goo?' and 'ga ga?'. A woman calls in from off-panel, alarmed: 'Are you turning Bobby into an autocrat in there?!' The man replies 'No, honey!' The baby blows a raspberry, and the man quietly tells it, 'Don't worry. She's part of the forty percent.' Votey: a separate black-bordered panel where a woman tells a balding man 'You should go for groceries' and asks 'Is there gas in the car?'; the man mutters 'She-devil!' under his breath.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.