2011-03-27
Original: 2011-03-27 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (red caption): A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK NERDS LACK EMPATHY.
Man with red hair (yellow shirt): MY DOG DIED.
Man with glasses (green shirt): MY HANDS HAVE FIVE FINGERS. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
Panel 2 (red caption): IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE NONEMPATHIC. WE'RE JUST GOAL-ORIENTED.
Bald man: MY WIFE LEFT ME.
Man with glasses: SOLUTION: ABSORB TEARS WITH SODIUM POLYACRYLATE, OBVIATE LOVE BY REMOVING CAUDAL NUCLEUS FROM BRAIN.
Bald man: I THINK I'LL TRY DATING.
Man with glasses: HOW INEFFICIENT.
Panel 3 (red caption): IT'S USUALLY GOOD TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD WHEN YOU APPROACH PROBLEMS.
Man in yellow shirt: MY FRIDGE IS CROAKING.
Other man: COMPRESSOR.
Man in yellow shirt: MY WIFE IS CHOKING.
Other man: COMPRESS 'ER.
Panel 4 (red caption): BUT IT DOESN'T PREPARE YOU TO DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman: STOP YOUR TECHNICAL CRAP! DO YOU LOVE ME OR NOT?!
Man (green shirt): I DON'T BELIEVE IN BOOLEAN RELATIONSHIPS.
Panel 5 (red caption): ...OR WITH YOURSELF.
Man lying in bed (thought): OH MY GOD. FOR MOST OF ETERNITY, I WON'T EXIST. THAT LEAVES TWO OPTIONS: LIVE FOREVER OR DESTROY THE UNIVERSE.
Man (thought): HM...
Man (thought): I MAY HAVE TO QUIT MY DAY JOB FOR THIS.
Votey:
Caption box: ALSO, QUANTUM RELATIONSHIPS
Man (off-panel, speech bubble): DO YOU LOVE ME?
Woman with sunglasses: YES-NO
Man with red hair (yellow shirt): MY DOG DIED.
Man with glasses (green shirt): MY HANDS HAVE FIVE FINGERS. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
Panel 2 (red caption): IT'S NOT THAT WE'RE NONEMPATHIC. WE'RE JUST GOAL-ORIENTED.
Bald man: MY WIFE LEFT ME.
Man with glasses: SOLUTION: ABSORB TEARS WITH SODIUM POLYACRYLATE, OBVIATE LOVE BY REMOVING CAUDAL NUCLEUS FROM BRAIN.
Bald man: I THINK I'LL TRY DATING.
Man with glasses: HOW INEFFICIENT.
Panel 3 (red caption): IT'S USUALLY GOOD TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD WHEN YOU APPROACH PROBLEMS.
Man in yellow shirt: MY FRIDGE IS CROAKING.
Other man: COMPRESSOR.
Man in yellow shirt: MY WIFE IS CHOKING.
Other man: COMPRESS 'ER.
Panel 4 (red caption): BUT IT DOESN'T PREPARE YOU TO DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman: STOP YOUR TECHNICAL CRAP! DO YOU LOVE ME OR NOT?!
Man (green shirt): I DON'T BELIEVE IN BOOLEAN RELATIONSHIPS.
Panel 5 (red caption): ...OR WITH YOURSELF.
Man lying in bed (thought): OH MY GOD. FOR MOST OF ETERNITY, I WON'T EXIST. THAT LEAVES TWO OPTIONS: LIVE FOREVER OR DESTROY THE UNIVERSE.
Man (thought): HM...
Man (thought): I MAY HAVE TO QUIT MY DAY JOB FOR THIS.
Votey:
Caption box: ALSO, QUANTUM RELATIONSHIPS
Man (off-panel, speech bubble): DO YOU LOVE ME?
Woman with sunglasses: YES-NO
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic arguing that nerds aren't unempathetic, just goal-oriented, with each red caption followed by a deadpan example. Panel 1, caption 'A lot of people think nerds lack empathy': a red-haired man says 'My dog died' and a bespectacled man replies 'My hands have five fingers. What's your point?' Panel 2, 'It's not that we're nonempathic, we're just goal-oriented': a bald man says 'My wife left me'; the nerd answers 'Solution: absorb tears with sodium polyacrylate, obviate love by removing caudal nucleus from brain'; the bald man says 'I think I'll try dating'; nerd: 'How inefficient.' Panel 3, 'It's usually good to be straightforward when you approach problems': 'My fridge is croaking' / 'Compressor.' 'My wife is choking' / 'Compress 'er.' Panel 4, 'But it doesn't prepare you to deal with other people': a woman snaps 'Stop your technical crap! Do you love me or not?!' and the man replies 'I don't believe in Boolean relationships.' Panel 5, '...or with yourself': a man lying awake in bed thinks 'Oh my god. For most of eternity, I won't exist. That leaves two options: live forever or destroy the universe. Hm... I may have to quit my day job for this.' Votey aftercomic, captioned 'Also, quantum relationships': an off-panel voice asks 'Do you love me?' and a woman in sunglasses answers 'Yes-no.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.