2009-08-30
Original: 2009-08-30 on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Title (top banner): HOW SCIENCE REPORTING WORKS:
Panel 1: A reporter with red, flame-like hair holds a microphone, interviewing a scientist in a white lab coat who reads from a paper.
Scientist: We destroyed ten percent of cancer cells in a lab rat's tail.
Panel 2: A newspaper headline.
Headline: CANCER CURED
Panel 3: The reporter and scientist again. The scientist gestures, trying to clarify.
Scientist: We didn't CURE cancer. We're just moving faster toward a future treatment.
Panel 4: A newspaper headline.
Headline: TIME TRAVEL DISCOVERED
Panel 5: The reporter and scientist again. The scientist looks frustrated.
Scientist: F--K YOU!
Panel 6: A newspaper headline.
Headline: SCIENTIST RAPES REPORTER
Votey:
Banner: HOW IT SHOULD BE...
A scroll of text reads: Science continues slow methodical progress toward small but palpable improvement as the following 40 pages will show in mind-numbing detail with needlessly obtuse prose and confusing graphs
Panel 1: A reporter with red, flame-like hair holds a microphone, interviewing a scientist in a white lab coat who reads from a paper.
Scientist: We destroyed ten percent of cancer cells in a lab rat's tail.
Panel 2: A newspaper headline.
Headline: CANCER CURED
Panel 3: The reporter and scientist again. The scientist gestures, trying to clarify.
Scientist: We didn't CURE cancer. We're just moving faster toward a future treatment.
Panel 4: A newspaper headline.
Headline: TIME TRAVEL DISCOVERED
Panel 5: The reporter and scientist again. The scientist looks frustrated.
Scientist: F--K YOU!
Panel 6: A newspaper headline.
Headline: SCIENTIST RAPES REPORTER
Votey:
Banner: HOW IT SHOULD BE...
A scroll of text reads: Science continues slow methodical progress toward small but palpable improvement as the following 40 pages will show in mind-numbing detail with needlessly obtuse prose and confusing graphs
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic titled "HOW SCIENCE REPORTING WORKS:" alternating between an interview and a newspaper headline. A red-haired reporter holds a microphone to a scientist in a lab coat. Panel 1, the scientist reads from a paper: "We destroyed ten percent of cancer cells in a lab rat's tail." Panel 2, a newspaper screams: "CANCER CURED." Panel 3, the scientist clarifies: "We didn't CURE cancer. We're just moving faster toward a future treatment." Panel 4, newspaper: "TIME TRAVEL DISCOVERED." Panel 5, the exasperated scientist shouts: "F--K YOU!" Panel 6, newspaper: "SCIENTIST RAPES REPORTER." Each clarification gets sensationalized into a wilder, more wrong headline. Votey: a banner reads "HOW IT SHOULD BE..." above a scroll of dense handwritten text: "Science continues slow methodical progress toward small but palpable improvement as the following 40 pages will show in mind-numbing detail with needlessly obtuse prose and confusing graphs" - the punchline being that accurate reporting would be tediously boring.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.