Gland
Original: Gland on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (pink caption bar):
FACT: RENE DESCARTES SAID THE SOUL WAS LOCATED IN THE PINEAL GLAND.
A man resembling Rene Descartes (long hair, mustache) speaks via a speech bubble:
"YOU HAVE ONE SOUL. YOU HAVE ONE PINEAL GLAND. QED, THE PINEAL GLAND IS THE SOUL."
Panel 2 (orange caption bar):
FACT: MODERN SCIENCE SAYS THE PINEAL GLAND IS THE SOURCE OF MELATONIN.
A chemical structure diagram of the melatonin molecule has a speech bubble saying:
"Relax, baby."
Panel 3 (purple caption bar):
FROM WHICH IT FOLLOWS:
A grinning man holding up a jar labeled "Melatonin Supplements" shouts:
"ENTER MY BODY, UNBORN SOULS, AND LAY WASTE TO MY MODERATE JETLAG!"
Votey:
A close-up of the same man's face. He says:
"UGH. CAN'T SLEEP BETTER DOUBLE MY DOSE OF UNQUICKENED SOULSTUFF."
FACT: RENE DESCARTES SAID THE SOUL WAS LOCATED IN THE PINEAL GLAND.
A man resembling Rene Descartes (long hair, mustache) speaks via a speech bubble:
"YOU HAVE ONE SOUL. YOU HAVE ONE PINEAL GLAND. QED, THE PINEAL GLAND IS THE SOUL."
Panel 2 (orange caption bar):
FACT: MODERN SCIENCE SAYS THE PINEAL GLAND IS THE SOURCE OF MELATONIN.
A chemical structure diagram of the melatonin molecule has a speech bubble saying:
"Relax, baby."
Panel 3 (purple caption bar):
FROM WHICH IT FOLLOWS:
A grinning man holding up a jar labeled "Melatonin Supplements" shouts:
"ENTER MY BODY, UNBORN SOULS, AND LAY WASTE TO MY MODERATE JETLAG!"
Votey:
A close-up of the same man's face. He says:
"UGH. CAN'T SLEEP BETTER DOUBLE MY DOSE OF UNQUICKENED SOULSTUFF."
Alt text
A three-panel SMBC comic. Panel one, under a pink banner reading "FACT: Rene Descartes said the soul was located in the pineal gland," shows a long-haired, mustached man (Descartes) declaring: "You have one soul. You have one pineal gland. QED, the pineal gland is the soul." Panel two, under an orange banner reading "FACT: Modern science says the pineal gland is the source of melatonin," shows the chemical structure diagram of the melatonin molecule with a speech bubble saying "Relax, baby." Panel three, under a purple banner reading "From which it follows," shows a grinning man holding up a jar labeled "Melatonin Supplements" and shouting: "Enter my body, unborn souls, and lay waste to my moderate jetlag!" The joke chains Descartes' pineal-gland-is-the-soul claim with melatonin coming from the pineal gland, so swallowing melatonin pills becomes ingesting souls. Votey: a close-up of the same man saying, "Ugh. Can't sleep better double my dose of unquickened soulstuff," treating melatonin supplements as unborn soul-material.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.