Free
Original: Free on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A red-haired man in a red shirt walks along a beach beside a small green alien (Zorkarg).
Man: "ZORKARG, IS FREE WILL POSSIBLE?"
Zorkarg: "OF COURSE."
Panel 2: Caption / Zorkarg explaining.
Zorkarg: "IN THE CENTER OF THE GALAXY IS THE RARE ISLAND-OF-STABILITY ELEMENT KNOWN AS FREEWILLIUM. IT ALLOWS INSTANTANEOUS VIOLATIONS OF CAUSALITY IN RESPONSE TO THE DISEMBODIED MENTAL STATES OF CONSCIOUS BEINGS/"
Panel 3: Close-up of the man and the green alien Zorkarg facing each other.
Man: "CAN I HAVE SOME?"
Zorkarg: "ABSOLUTELY!"
Panel 4: Zorkarg, now shown larger with big black eyes and a toothy mouth.
Zorkarg: "GET ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND COME TO OUR SHIP."
Panel 5 (captioned "LATER..."): Two green aliens stand together looking glum.
One alien: "THAT WAS MEAN, ZORKARG."
Panel 6: A space scene. A robotic arm holds a crate floating in space near Earth. The crate is labeled "HUMAN MEAT."
Zorkarg: "I HAD NO CHOICE."
Votey:
A single alien with a drooping, sad expression and eyes closed.
Alien (speech balloon): "I FIND THEY TASTE BETTER WHEN THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN DETERMINISM."
Man: "ZORKARG, IS FREE WILL POSSIBLE?"
Zorkarg: "OF COURSE."
Panel 2: Caption / Zorkarg explaining.
Zorkarg: "IN THE CENTER OF THE GALAXY IS THE RARE ISLAND-OF-STABILITY ELEMENT KNOWN AS FREEWILLIUM. IT ALLOWS INSTANTANEOUS VIOLATIONS OF CAUSALITY IN RESPONSE TO THE DISEMBODIED MENTAL STATES OF CONSCIOUS BEINGS/"
Panel 3: Close-up of the man and the green alien Zorkarg facing each other.
Man: "CAN I HAVE SOME?"
Zorkarg: "ABSOLUTELY!"
Panel 4: Zorkarg, now shown larger with big black eyes and a toothy mouth.
Zorkarg: "GET ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND COME TO OUR SHIP."
Panel 5 (captioned "LATER..."): Two green aliens stand together looking glum.
One alien: "THAT WAS MEAN, ZORKARG."
Panel 6: A space scene. A robotic arm holds a crate floating in space near Earth. The crate is labeled "HUMAN MEAT."
Zorkarg: "I HAD NO CHOICE."
Votey:
A single alien with a drooping, sad expression and eyes closed.
Alien (speech balloon): "I FIND THEY TASTE BETTER WHEN THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN DETERMINISM."
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic. A red-haired man in a red shirt walks on a beach beside a small green alien named Zorkarg and asks, "Zorkarg, is free will possible?" Zorkarg answers, "Of course," and explains that at the center of the galaxy is a rare element called Freewillium that allows instantaneous violations of causality in response to the mental states of conscious beings. The man eagerly asks, "Can I have some?" Zorkarg enthusiastically says, "Absolutely! Get all your friends and come to our ship" — now drawn with big menacing black eyes and a toothy grin. Later, two green aliens stand together looking glum; one says, "That was mean, Zorkarg." The final panel shows space near Earth with a robotic arm holding a floating crate labeled "HUMAN MEAT," as Zorkarg replies, "I had no choice." The joke: the free-will pitch was a trick to lure humans aboard to be harvested as meat. Votey: a single alien with a sad, drooping face and closed eyes says, "I find they taste better when they don't believe in determinism."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.