Gates
Original: Gates on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1: A robed figure stands glowing at the open back doors of a dark van, gesturing to a person who stands silhouetted before it.
Robed figure (at the van): WELCOME TO HEAVEN. PLEASE GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN.
Panel 2: The figure who was being welcomed (a bearded man) stands in a heavenly cloudscape, calling toward the robed figure standing in the distance by a golden gate.
Bearded man: DON'T I GET A HALO AND A HARP? MAYBE SOME PROXIMITY TO THE ALL-SATISFYING LOVE OF THE LORD?
Panel 3: Close-up of the bearded man's face as the robed figure replies.
Robed figure: NO. HEAVEN IS JUST AN ENDLESS, UNBROKEN EXPERIENCING OF THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU WERE 8 AND YOUR DAD WAS DRIVING THE FAMILY ON VACATION, AND YOU LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SMELLED SOFT RAINS AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE.
Panel 4: The bearded man, now sitting as a passenger looking out a car window, smiles peacefully with a tear on his cheek.
Bearded man: SO... MUCH... BETTER THAN ADVERTISED.
Footer: patreon.com/zachweinersmith smbc-comics.com
Promo banner: 2 DAYS LEFT! PARENTING - AN SMBC COLLECTION and SAWYER LEE AND THE QUEST TO JUST STAY HOME ON KICKSTARTER
Votey:
A close-up of a simple round cartoon face (the "wojak"-style blank face) with a determined expression.
Caption (the face's thought/speech): I'M GONNA EAT SOUR STRAWS TILL MY GUMS BLEED AND NOT CARE.
Robed figure (at the van): WELCOME TO HEAVEN. PLEASE GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN.
Panel 2: The figure who was being welcomed (a bearded man) stands in a heavenly cloudscape, calling toward the robed figure standing in the distance by a golden gate.
Bearded man: DON'T I GET A HALO AND A HARP? MAYBE SOME PROXIMITY TO THE ALL-SATISFYING LOVE OF THE LORD?
Panel 3: Close-up of the bearded man's face as the robed figure replies.
Robed figure: NO. HEAVEN IS JUST AN ENDLESS, UNBROKEN EXPERIENCING OF THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU WERE 8 AND YOUR DAD WAS DRIVING THE FAMILY ON VACATION, AND YOU LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SMELLED SOFT RAINS AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE.
Panel 4: The bearded man, now sitting as a passenger looking out a car window, smiles peacefully with a tear on his cheek.
Bearded man: SO... MUCH... BETTER THAN ADVERTISED.
Footer: patreon.com/zachweinersmith smbc-comics.com
Promo banner: 2 DAYS LEFT! PARENTING - AN SMBC COLLECTION and SAWYER LEE AND THE QUEST TO JUST STAY HOME ON KICKSTARTER
Votey:
A close-up of a simple round cartoon face (the "wojak"-style blank face) with a determined expression.
Caption (the face's thought/speech): I'M GONNA EAT SOUR STRAWS TILL MY GUMS BLEED AND NOT CARE.
Alt text
A four-panel comic. Panel 1: a glowing robed figure stands at the open back doors of a dark van in a cloudscape and says, "Welcome to Heaven. Please get in the back of the van," to a silhouetted newcomer. Panel 2: the newcomer, a bearded man, asks across the clouds, "Don't I get a halo and a harp? Maybe some proximity to the all-satisfying love of the Lord?" Panel 3: close-up of the man as the robed figure answers, "No. Heaven is just an endless, unbroken experiencing of that moment when you were 8 and your dad was driving the family on vacation, and you looked out the window and smelled soft rains and everything was fine." Panel 4: the man now sits as a child-like passenger gazing out a car window, smiling with a tear on his cheek, saying, "So... much... better than advertised." A promo banner below reads "2 DAYS LEFT!" for the Kickstarter of Parenting - An SMBC Collection and Sawyer Lee and the Quest to Just Stay Home. Votey: a close-up of a blank round cartoon face with a determined look, declaring, "I'm gonna eat sour straws till my gums bleed and not care."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.