Crystals
Original: Crystals on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
An older woman (a crystal/stone seller) stands behind a table displaying several pointed crystal-like stones. She gestures to them, addressing a man with red/orange flame-like hair who stands across the table.
Seller: THIS ONE IS FOR FOCUS. THIS ONE IS FOR EMPATHY. THIS ONE IS FOR DREAMS. THIS ONE HELPS WITH THE SADS.
Man: WOW, AND WHAT ARE THEY?
Seller: METHAMPHETAMINE, MDMA, PCP AND KETAMINE.
Caption (below panel): I wish these "healing crystal" stores were run by chemists.
Votey:
Close-up of the red-haired man's face, smiling.
Man: CRYSTALMETH IS MY BIRTHSTONE!
An older woman (a crystal/stone seller) stands behind a table displaying several pointed crystal-like stones. She gestures to them, addressing a man with red/orange flame-like hair who stands across the table.
Seller: THIS ONE IS FOR FOCUS. THIS ONE IS FOR EMPATHY. THIS ONE IS FOR DREAMS. THIS ONE HELPS WITH THE SADS.
Man: WOW, AND WHAT ARE THEY?
Seller: METHAMPHETAMINE, MDMA, PCP AND KETAMINE.
Caption (below panel): I wish these "healing crystal" stores were run by chemists.
Votey:
Close-up of the red-haired man's face, smiling.
Man: CRYSTALMETH IS MY BIRTHSTONE!
Alt text
A two-panel SMBC comic about "healing crystal" shops. In the main panel, an older woman stands behind a table displaying several pointed crystal-like stones, gesturing to them as she addresses a man with red, flame-like hair. She says, "This one is for focus. This one is for empathy. This one is for dreams. This one helps with the sads." The man replies, "Wow, and what are they?" She answers, "Methamphetamine, MDMA, PCP and ketamine" - naming the stones as recreational/psychoactive drugs that match each mood. The caption beneath reads, "I wish these 'healing crystal' stores were run by chemists." In the votey (bonus panel), a close-up of the red-haired man's smiling face. He says, "Crystalmeth is my birthstone!"
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.