Branch
Original: Branch on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Caption (top text box):
IN 99.9999999997682% OF ALL BRANCHES OF THE UNIVERSAL WAVEFUNCTION, YOU ARE AN EVIL DICTATOR WHO ENSLAVES AND MURDERS HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS. "YOU" HAPPEN TO BE THE VERSION WHOSE WICKED AMBITIONS WERE REPEATEDLY THWARTED BY BIZARRE COINCIDENCES OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
Panel (dialogue at the gates of heaven):
Arriving figure: BOOM! GIMME THE HALO AND WINGS.
Gatekeeper: *SIGH* RIGHT THIS WAY, MR. HITLER.
Caption (bottom):
Reconciling theology and multiple worlds theory turns out to be difficult.
Votey:
Speech bubble (the gatekeeper, aside): BY THE WAY, THIS IS THE BRANCH OF THE UNIVERSE WHERE THE GATES OF HELL ARE MADE OF GOLD.
(Hitler's face reacts with a worried/uncertain expression and a single "!")
IN 99.9999999997682% OF ALL BRANCHES OF THE UNIVERSAL WAVEFUNCTION, YOU ARE AN EVIL DICTATOR WHO ENSLAVES AND MURDERS HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS. "YOU" HAPPEN TO BE THE VERSION WHOSE WICKED AMBITIONS WERE REPEATEDLY THWARTED BY BIZARRE COINCIDENCES OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
Panel (dialogue at the gates of heaven):
Arriving figure: BOOM! GIMME THE HALO AND WINGS.
Gatekeeper: *SIGH* RIGHT THIS WAY, MR. HITLER.
Caption (bottom):
Reconciling theology and multiple worlds theory turns out to be difficult.
Votey:
Speech bubble (the gatekeeper, aside): BY THE WAY, THIS IS THE BRANCH OF THE UNIVERSE WHERE THE GATES OF HELL ARE MADE OF GOLD.
(Hitler's face reacts with a worried/uncertain expression and a single "!")
Alt text
A Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal comic. A top text box reads: "In 99.9999999997682% of all branches of the universal wavefunction, you are an evil dictator who enslaves and murders hundreds of millions. 'You' happen to be the version whose wicked ambitions were repeatedly thwarted by bizarre coincidences over and over and over." Below, a scene at glowing golden gates (heaven). A newly arrived soul declares "Boom! Gimme the halo and wings," and a gatekeeper figure replies with a weary "*Sigh* Right this way, Mr. Hitler" — implying this quantum branch's Hitler never succeeded and so technically lived a blameless life. In the final panel, silhouetted figures stand inside a gate while a winged shape soars off into the distance. A caption reads: "Reconciling theology and multiple worlds theory turns out to be difficult." Votey (bonus panel): a close-up of Hitler's face, eyes worried and a startled "!" above him, as the gatekeeper adds offscreen, "By the way, this is the branch of the universe where the gates of hell are made of gold" — hinting he was actually let into hell, not heaven.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.