Virtue
Original: Virtue on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1
Man (with orange flame-like hair): I don't get "virtue ethics." It's not a theory of ethics, it's just a strategy.
Woman (with curly blonde hair): Have you considered the alternatives?
Panel 2
Woman: Deontology says you should be moral by intuiting the coherent set of moral laws for the entire universe.
Panel 3
Woman: Utilitarianism says you should constantly sum for maximal total happiness over the space of all possible actions for everyone.
Panel 4 (close-up on the woman, looking dismayed)
Woman: Well good luck, dweeb!
Panel 5
Woman: Virtue ethics says none of that stuff is possible, so the only move remaining is to try to be less of a dickwad.
Panel 6
Man: But I want a simple math-like framework to perfectly govern all behaviors of talking apes!
Man: WAAAAAAA!
Woman: Whining is not virtuous.
Votey:
Man (off to the side, agitated): Wait, how do you figure out what the virtues are?
Woman (in a speech bubble): Shhhh...
Man (with orange flame-like hair): I don't get "virtue ethics." It's not a theory of ethics, it's just a strategy.
Woman (with curly blonde hair): Have you considered the alternatives?
Panel 2
Woman: Deontology says you should be moral by intuiting the coherent set of moral laws for the entire universe.
Panel 3
Woman: Utilitarianism says you should constantly sum for maximal total happiness over the space of all possible actions for everyone.
Panel 4 (close-up on the woman, looking dismayed)
Woman: Well good luck, dweeb!
Panel 5
Woman: Virtue ethics says none of that stuff is possible, so the only move remaining is to try to be less of a dickwad.
Panel 6
Man: But I want a simple math-like framework to perfectly govern all behaviors of talking apes!
Man: WAAAAAAA!
Woman: Whining is not virtuous.
Votey:
Man (off to the side, agitated): Wait, how do you figure out what the virtues are?
Woman (in a speech bubble): Shhhh...
Alt text
A six-panel SMBC comic in which a curly-blonde-haired woman explains ethical theories to an orange-haired man as they walk on a beach. Panel 1: the man says he doesn't get "virtue ethics"—it's not a theory of ethics, just a strategy—and the woman asks if he's considered the alternatives. Panel 2: she says deontology means being moral by intuiting the coherent set of moral laws for the entire universe. Panel 3: she says utilitarianism means constantly summing for maximal total happiness over all possible actions for everyone. Panel 4: a close-up of the woman's dismayed face as she snaps "Well good luck, dweeb!" Panel 5: she says virtue ethics holds that none of that is possible, so the only move left is to try to be less of a dickwad. Panel 6: from a distance on the beach, the man wails "But I want a simple math-like framework to perfectly govern all behaviors of talking apes! WAAAAAAA!" and she replies "Whining is not virtuous." Votey (a small extra panel): the man asks "Wait, how do you figure out what the virtues are?" and the woman simply replies "Shhhh..."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.