Ilium
Original: Ilium on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Woman (blonde, red shirt, pointing): You sir! In the glasses! Help me! Are you a scientist?
Man (in glasses, suit and red tie): I...
Panel 2:
Woman (grabbing the man's coat): I make science videos and we're out of good stuff! We used it up! Everyone knows about duck penises and entanglement and why the sky is blue!
Man: Ma'am, let go of my coat.
Panel 3:
Woman: Come on honey! Get me another creature with a weird dong or some quantum thing that doesn't make sense! Maybe a math paradox with infinities I gotta have it baby I have nothing left
Panel 4:
Woman (holding out a paper): Here! Here! I wrote a paper about a minor improvement in factoring algorithms.
Man (taking it): Thank you! You don't know how much I needed this.
Panel 5:
Woman (smelling/sniffing the paper): snnniffff...
Panel 6:
Woman (looking at the paper, holding her phone): liiikes... yes, mm, I can already see the thumbnail.
Panel 7:
A distant alley/sidewalk view; the man walks away.
Panel 8:
Another man (yellow shirt) approaches: Hey! Hey man are you a scientist?! I got a Instagram and--
Man in glasses: Jeez this neighborhood has gone downhill.
Votey:
Close-up of a sad, weary face with a single tear.
Voice: I only wish... I could've contributed more... to labor productivity growth...
Woman (blonde, red shirt, pointing): You sir! In the glasses! Help me! Are you a scientist?
Man (in glasses, suit and red tie): I...
Panel 2:
Woman (grabbing the man's coat): I make science videos and we're out of good stuff! We used it up! Everyone knows about duck penises and entanglement and why the sky is blue!
Man: Ma'am, let go of my coat.
Panel 3:
Woman: Come on honey! Get me another creature with a weird dong or some quantum thing that doesn't make sense! Maybe a math paradox with infinities I gotta have it baby I have nothing left
Panel 4:
Woman (holding out a paper): Here! Here! I wrote a paper about a minor improvement in factoring algorithms.
Man (taking it): Thank you! You don't know how much I needed this.
Panel 5:
Woman (smelling/sniffing the paper): snnniffff...
Panel 6:
Woman (looking at the paper, holding her phone): liiikes... yes, mm, I can already see the thumbnail.
Panel 7:
A distant alley/sidewalk view; the man walks away.
Panel 8:
Another man (yellow shirt) approaches: Hey! Hey man are you a scientist?! I got a Instagram and--
Man in glasses: Jeez this neighborhood has gone downhill.
Votey:
Close-up of a sad, weary face with a single tear.
Voice: I only wish... I could've contributed more... to labor productivity growth...
Alt text
An eight-panel SMBC comic. A frantic blonde woman in a red shirt grabs a bespectacled man in a suit on the street, begging: 'You sir! Are you a scientist? I make science videos and we're out of good stuff! Everyone knows about duck penises and entanglement and why the sky is blue!' She paws at his coat, demanding 'another creature with a weird dong or some quantum thing that doesn't make sense... I have nothing left.' She thrusts a paper at him: 'Here! I wrote a paper about a minor improvement in factoring algorithms.' He takes it gratefully -- 'Thank you! You don't know how much I needed this' -- treating the science content like a drug deal. She sniffs the paper and eyes her phone: 'Likes... yes... I can already see the thumbnail.' As the man walks away, another man in a yellow shirt accosts him -- 'Hey man are you a scientist?! I got a Instagram and--' -- and the man grumbles 'Jeez this neighborhood has gone downhill,' framing science-content desperation as a seedy back-alley addiction. Votey: a close-up of a sad, tear-streaked face whispering, 'I only wish... I could've contributed more... to labor productivity growth...'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.