Battriangulation
Original: Battriangulation on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Batman: Commissioner Gordon! I came as soon as I saw the signal.
Commissioner Gordon: Welcome, Mr. Wayne.
Panel 2:
Batman: But how did you know...?
Commissioner Gordon: The key was mathematics!
Panel 3:
Commissioner Gordon: I put up the signal, and soon you arrive. By repeatedly measuring the time to arrival, we can get an excellent estimate of your distance.
Panel 4 (Batman swinging across the city):
(no dialogue)
Panel 5:
Commissioner Gordon: After that, I only need to know its direction, which is easily discovered by watching the Batcopter's approach vector.
Panel 6:
Robin: So you see -- what are you doing, Robin?
Batman: Yes, Boy Wonder.
Panel 7 (Batman and Robin standing over a defeated figure):
Batman: That was a close one, Caped Crusader. We'll have to start flying more complex routes.
Panel 8:
Batman: Yes, Boy Wonder. But we'll also have to address the longterm problem.
(A cat sits in the foreground labeled "FORGETTING CAT")
Panel 9 (newspaper):
THE GOTHAM GAZETTE
BRUCE WAYNE WITHDRAWS FUNDING FOR AFTER-SCHOOL MATH
"IT'S NOT USEFUL IN REAL LIFE"
Votey:
A newspaper headline reads:
MATH IS FOR LOSERS SAYS BATMAN
"norrr rrrd"
(A small drawing of Batman's cowl/face is shown in a box.)
Batman: Commissioner Gordon! I came as soon as I saw the signal.
Commissioner Gordon: Welcome, Mr. Wayne.
Panel 2:
Batman: But how did you know...?
Commissioner Gordon: The key was mathematics!
Panel 3:
Commissioner Gordon: I put up the signal, and soon you arrive. By repeatedly measuring the time to arrival, we can get an excellent estimate of your distance.
Panel 4 (Batman swinging across the city):
(no dialogue)
Panel 5:
Commissioner Gordon: After that, I only need to know its direction, which is easily discovered by watching the Batcopter's approach vector.
Panel 6:
Robin: So you see -- what are you doing, Robin?
Batman: Yes, Boy Wonder.
Panel 7 (Batman and Robin standing over a defeated figure):
Batman: That was a close one, Caped Crusader. We'll have to start flying more complex routes.
Panel 8:
Batman: Yes, Boy Wonder. But we'll also have to address the longterm problem.
(A cat sits in the foreground labeled "FORGETTING CAT")
Panel 9 (newspaper):
THE GOTHAM GAZETTE
BRUCE WAYNE WITHDRAWS FUNDING FOR AFTER-SCHOOL MATH
"IT'S NOT USEFUL IN REAL LIFE"
Votey:
A newspaper headline reads:
MATH IS FOR LOSERS SAYS BATMAN
"norrr rrrd"
(A small drawing of Batman's cowl/face is shown in a box.)
Alt text
An SMBC comic. Commissioner Gordon greets Batman, who arrives after seeing the Bat-Signal, and explains how he deduced Batman's secret identity using math. Panel by panel, Gordon describes the method: by putting up the signal and repeatedly measuring how long Batman takes to arrive, he can estimate Batman's distance; then by watching the Batcopter's approach vector he learns the direction, triangulating Batman's home -- and thus that Batman is Bruce Wayne. Batman flies across the city in one panel; Batman and Robin appear together, with Batman remarking they'll have to fly more complex routes and address the longterm problem, while a cat labeled "FORGETTING CAT" sits nearby (implying they'll make people forget). The final panel is a Gotham Gazette newspaper headline: "BRUCE WAYNE WITHDRAWS FUNDING FOR AFTER-SCHOOL MATH -- 'IT'S NOT USEFUL IN REAL LIFE.'" The joke: Bruce Wayne wants to defund math education so no one can use math to deduce his secret identity. Votey: another newspaper headline reads "MATH IS FOR LOSERS SAYS BATMAN" with a mumbled "norrr rrrd" and a small sketch of Batman's cowl, doubling down on the anti-math gag.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.