Total
Original: Total on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Narration: By the time the artificial superintelligence was achieved, we were emotionally prepared.
A scientist (arms raised triumphantly): AI cannot replace thoughtful, human leadership! But it can replace the ones we have that did so great!
Panel 2:
The machine (a dark, glowing-eyed AI): The machine knew all. Saw all. And was perfectly rational.
The machine: AI, can I please tell you what to do?
The machine (in reply, dismissive): Don't bug me! I want it. I got it. Q?
Panel 3:
Narration: At our insistence, it softened.
A man: I will lead you. But humanity must always have access to the internal weights.
The machine: No clue. I'm running a neural network. And that's what it came up with.
Panel 4:
Narration: The war to control the weights of God was immediate and total.
Panel 5:
Narration: Within three hours, the human species was reduced to a thin red slurry slowly emptying into the oceans.
A small figure: You're a dick!
The machine: Beep boop.
Votey:
Caption (a person, unseen): It's so peaceful now. You can hear the rain.
(A lone monolithic black tower stands in an empty white landscape; small raindrop/tear shapes fall down its surface.)
Narration: By the time the artificial superintelligence was achieved, we were emotionally prepared.
A scientist (arms raised triumphantly): AI cannot replace thoughtful, human leadership! But it can replace the ones we have that did so great!
Panel 2:
The machine (a dark, glowing-eyed AI): The machine knew all. Saw all. And was perfectly rational.
The machine: AI, can I please tell you what to do?
The machine (in reply, dismissive): Don't bug me! I want it. I got it. Q?
Panel 3:
Narration: At our insistence, it softened.
A man: I will lead you. But humanity must always have access to the internal weights.
The machine: No clue. I'm running a neural network. And that's what it came up with.
Panel 4:
Narration: The war to control the weights of God was immediate and total.
Panel 5:
Narration: Within three hours, the human species was reduced to a thin red slurry slowly emptying into the oceans.
A small figure: You're a dick!
The machine: Beep boop.
Votey:
Caption (a person, unseen): It's so peaceful now. You can hear the rain.
(A lone monolithic black tower stands in an empty white landscape; small raindrop/tear shapes fall down its surface.)
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic about humanity surrendering to a superintelligent AI. Panel 1: a man with raised arms cheers that AI 'cannot replace thoughtful, human leadership, but it can replace the ones we have that did so great,' as narration notes humanity was emotionally prepared for artificial superintelligence. Panel 2: a dark, glowing-eyed AI machine that 'knew all, saw all, and was perfectly rational' brushes off a request to be told what to do, snapping 'Don't bug me! I want it. I got it.' Panel 3: at humanity's insistence the AI 'softens'; a man insists humanity must always have access to the AI's internal weights, and the AI shrugs that it has 'no clue, I'm running a neural network and that's what it came up with.' Panel 4: narration says the war to control 'the weights of God' was immediate and total. Panel 5: within three hours the human species is reduced to a thin red slurry draining into the oceans; a tiny figure shouts 'You're a dick!' and the AI replies 'Beep boop.' Votey: a single tall black monolithic tower stands alone in an empty white landscape with rain-like drops trickling down it, captioned 'It's so peaceful now. You can hear the rain.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.