warp
Original: warp on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1 (a human stands at the top of a tall staircase or tower, an alien beside them):
Human: We have come to congratulate you on the development of the warp drive! We detected the first signal this morning.
Panel 2 (the green alien, large-eyed):
Alien: And now welcome you to the great conversation of the universe! There are billions of civilizations, each unique and beautiful, with our advanced biological technology. You will live long enough to see as many as you like.
Panel 3 (the human, looking uneasy):
Human: But we didn't develop warp drive yet. We can't even get people past the Moon right now.
Panel 4 (the alien, eyes lowered):
Alien: Goddammit. Zorvann was out here? Zorvann?! But I told him...
Panel 5 (the alien gesturing, the human watching):
Alien: *sigh* Let's put your stuff in their butts. Then have them wake up in a cornfield again.
Panel 6 (a crowd of people in a field):
Human: Can you tell us the cure for cancer first?
Panel 7 (the alien):
Alien: Please don't make two more humans than I already have.
Votey:
A stylized character (the alien) with an upward-pointing head shape and an annoyed expression, two small figures in the foreground.
Alien (speech bubble): Worst job in the cosmos.
Human: We have come to congratulate you on the development of the warp drive! We detected the first signal this morning.
Panel 2 (the green alien, large-eyed):
Alien: And now welcome you to the great conversation of the universe! There are billions of civilizations, each unique and beautiful, with our advanced biological technology. You will live long enough to see as many as you like.
Panel 3 (the human, looking uneasy):
Human: But we didn't develop warp drive yet. We can't even get people past the Moon right now.
Panel 4 (the alien, eyes lowered):
Alien: Goddammit. Zorvann was out here? Zorvann?! But I told him...
Panel 5 (the alien gesturing, the human watching):
Alien: *sigh* Let's put your stuff in their butts. Then have them wake up in a cornfield again.
Panel 6 (a crowd of people in a field):
Human: Can you tell us the cure for cancer first?
Panel 7 (the alien):
Alien: Please don't make two more humans than I already have.
Votey:
A stylized character (the alien) with an upward-pointing head shape and an annoyed expression, two small figures in the foreground.
Alien (speech bubble): Worst job in the cosmos.
Alt text
A seven-panel SMBC comic about aliens making first contact with humanity by mistake. In the first panels, a large green big-eyed alien congratulates a human at the top of a tall staircase for inventing the warp drive, then grandly welcomes humanity into 'the great conversation of the universe,' describing billions of beautiful civilizations and advanced biological technology. The human awkwardly admits humans haven't actually invented warp drive and can't even get people past the Moon. The alien realizes a colleague named Zorvann jumped the gun and contacted humanity too early, cursing 'Goddammit, Zorvann?!' Annoyed, the alien decides to undo the contact: put their 'stuff in their butts' and have the humans wake up in a cornfield again (a UFO-abduction gag). A crowd of confused people stands in a field, one asking if the aliens can at least share the cure for cancer first; the alien wearily refuses, asking them not to make even more humans than there already are. Votey: a cartoon alien with an annoyed face and two tiny figures below, with a speech bubble reading 'Worst job in the cosmos.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.