algorithm
Original: algorithm on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Man with flame-like orange hair (to a computer): COMPUTER, WHAT'S THE OPTIMAL ALGORITHM FOR FINDING A PARTNER?
Computer (Steve): IF ANYONE SHOWS THE LEAST BIT OF INTEREST GLOM ON LIKE A REMORA AND DO NOT LET GO! DO ANYTHING NO MATTER HOW DEGRADING BUT HOLD ON, STEVE! HOLD!
Panel 2:
Man: I THOUGHT IT WAS A VARIATION ON THE "SECRETARY PROBLEM" WHERE n IS THE EXPECTED NUMBER OF PARTNERS, e IS EULER'S CONSTANT AND k IS-
Computer (Steve): STEVE.
(Beside the man is the computer, drawn as a metronome-like device.)
Panel 3:
Man: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN USE A MATING ALGORITHM THAT ASSUMES THE NUMBER OF POTENTIAL MATES IS A POSITIVE WHOLE NUMBER?
Computer (Steve): WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?!
Votey:
The computer (in a sketchy, hand-drawn style) speaks two speech bubbles:
First bubble: WANNA GET A COFFEE SOMETIME.?
Second bubble: STEVE.
(A roughly sketched human-like face looks up from below.)
Man with flame-like orange hair (to a computer): COMPUTER, WHAT'S THE OPTIMAL ALGORITHM FOR FINDING A PARTNER?
Computer (Steve): IF ANYONE SHOWS THE LEAST BIT OF INTEREST GLOM ON LIKE A REMORA AND DO NOT LET GO! DO ANYTHING NO MATTER HOW DEGRADING BUT HOLD ON, STEVE! HOLD!
Panel 2:
Man: I THOUGHT IT WAS A VARIATION ON THE "SECRETARY PROBLEM" WHERE n IS THE EXPECTED NUMBER OF PARTNERS, e IS EULER'S CONSTANT AND k IS-
Computer (Steve): STEVE.
(Beside the man is the computer, drawn as a metronome-like device.)
Panel 3:
Man: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN USE A MATING ALGORITHM THAT ASSUMES THE NUMBER OF POTENTIAL MATES IS A POSITIVE WHOLE NUMBER?
Computer (Steve): WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?!
Votey:
The computer (in a sketchy, hand-drawn style) speaks two speech bubbles:
First bubble: WANNA GET A COFFEE SOMETIME.?
Second bubble: STEVE.
(A roughly sketched human-like face looks up from below.)
Alt text
A three-panel SMBC comic. A man with flame-like orange hair stands beside a computer drawn as a metronome-shaped device named Steve. Panel 1: The man asks the computer for the optimal algorithm for finding a partner; the computer frantically answers, "If anyone shows the least bit of interest glom on like a remora and do not let go! Do anything no matter how degrading but hold on, Steve! Hold!" Panel 2: The man starts proposing a math-heavy variation on the "secretary problem" with Euler's constant; the computer interrupts, "Steve." Panel 3: The man asks whether you can really use a mating algorithm that assumes the number of potential mates is a positive whole number; the computer replies, "Why do people keep asking me that?!" The joke: the computer is hopelessly, desperately lonely and just wants someone, while the human keeps treating it as a math problem. Votey (aftercomic): a rough hand-drawn sketch of the computer's face looking up, with two speech bubbles reading "Wanna get a coffee sometime.?" and "Steve."
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.