bed
Original: bed on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Partner (a man with brown hair and a beard, in a yellow shirt, standing at the bedroom doorway/stairs): COME TO BED.
Panel 2:
Partner (off-panel): WHAT'S THE MATTER?
Person in bed (a man with dark curly hair, in a red shirt): THERE'S SOME CHANCE "COME TO BED" MEANS SEX AND SOME CHANCE IT MEANS THAT WE ARE JUST GOING TO SLEEP.
Panel 3:
(The dark-haired man lies in bed wide-eyed and gritting his teeth; the partner is seen from behind walking away.)
Dark-haired man: ...JUST GOING TO SLEEP.
Panel 4:
Dark-haired man: BY INQUIRING AS TO THE MEANING OF THE STATEMENT I RISK SHIFTING THE OUTCOME TO THE SECOND POSSIBILITY.
Panel 5:
Dark-haired man: BUT IF I FAIL TO INQUIRE, I HAVE TO ACCEPT SIGNIFICANT ODDS OF LAYING IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP INSTEAD OF GETTING MORE POINTS IN THIS VIDEO GAME.
Panel 6:
Dark-haired man (frantic, mouth open): THE ODDS OF SEX ARE NOW ZERO.
Panel 7:
Dark-haired man (calling out, casual): OOH, I'M NOT SO TIRED HUN, I MIGHT STAY UP READING IF YOU DON'T MIND.
Votey:
The partner (man with brown hair and beard), shown as a face, replies: READING THOSE... PAPER... WORD... BOXES.
Partner (a man with brown hair and a beard, in a yellow shirt, standing at the bedroom doorway/stairs): COME TO BED.
Panel 2:
Partner (off-panel): WHAT'S THE MATTER?
Person in bed (a man with dark curly hair, in a red shirt): THERE'S SOME CHANCE "COME TO BED" MEANS SEX AND SOME CHANCE IT MEANS THAT WE ARE JUST GOING TO SLEEP.
Panel 3:
(The dark-haired man lies in bed wide-eyed and gritting his teeth; the partner is seen from behind walking away.)
Dark-haired man: ...JUST GOING TO SLEEP.
Panel 4:
Dark-haired man: BY INQUIRING AS TO THE MEANING OF THE STATEMENT I RISK SHIFTING THE OUTCOME TO THE SECOND POSSIBILITY.
Panel 5:
Dark-haired man: BUT IF I FAIL TO INQUIRE, I HAVE TO ACCEPT SIGNIFICANT ODDS OF LAYING IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP INSTEAD OF GETTING MORE POINTS IN THIS VIDEO GAME.
Panel 6:
Dark-haired man (frantic, mouth open): THE ODDS OF SEX ARE NOW ZERO.
Panel 7:
Dark-haired man (calling out, casual): OOH, I'M NOT SO TIRED HUN, I MIGHT STAY UP READING IF YOU DON'T MIND.
Votey:
The partner (man with brown hair and beard), shown as a face, replies: READING THOSE... PAPER... WORD... BOXES.
Alt text
A seven-panel black-and-white-with-flat-color SMBC comic. Panel 1: a bearded man in a yellow shirt stands in a bedroom doorway and says, "Come to bed." Panel 2: a dark-haired man in a red shirt lying in bed answers when asked what's the matter: "There's some chance 'come to bed' means sex and some chance it means that we are just going to sleep." Panel 3: the dark-haired man lies wide-eyed and tense while his partner is seen from behind, walking off. Panel 4: he reasons, "By inquiring as to the meaning of the statement I risk shifting the outcome to the second possibility." Panel 5: he continues, "But if I fail to inquire, I have to accept significant odds of laying in bed trying to sleep instead of getting more points in this video game." Panel 6: a frantic close-up as he declares, "The odds of sex are now zero." Panel 7: backpedaling, he calls out casually, "Ooh, I'm not so tired hun, I might stay up reading if you don't mind." Votey: a close-up of the bearded partner deadpanning, "Reading those... paper... word... boxes," mocking his transparently fake excuse. The joke is a man overthinking the ambiguity of "come to bed" until he talks himself out of sex and then floats an obvious lie about reading a book.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.