swordownership
Original: swordownership on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child (with flame-like orange hair, sitting up in bed, alarmed): FATHER! THERE'S AN EVOLUTIONIST UNDER MY BED!
Panel 2:
Child: HE WANTS TO MAKE ME INTO A SENSELESS REPRODUCTION MACHINE!
Panel 3:
(The father, a man with glasses in a yellow shirt, stands at the bedside; a bearded man peeks out from under the bed.)
Panel 4:
Father: OH, SON. THAT'S JUST A STEREOTYPE. ALL HE WANTS IS TO RANT ABOUT ACADEMIC QUIBBLES SO TRIVIAL YOU WON'T EVEN STAY AWAKE THROUGH A WHOLE SENTENCE.
Panel 5:
Bearded man (under the bed): ...BUT THEN WHY DO SOME PARASITE SPECIES HAVE A TWO-HOST LIFECYCLE INSTEAD OF A THIRD WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE AN ASEXUAL PHASE, WHEREAS...
Panel 6:
(The father looks on.)
Panel 7:
Bearded man (peeking out from under the bed): AWWW, OUT LIKE A LIGHT.
Panel 8:
(The child is now asleep in bed, snoring "ZZZ." The bearded man, still muttering, continues:)
Bearded man: ...PERTAINING TO AN INAPPROPRIATE USE OF LOG-NORMAL DISTRIBUTION IN...
Father (smiling):
Votey:
The bearded man (now drawn larger, mid-rant) continues:
"...SO WAS ASBESTOS, SO DON'T BREATHE AROUND THE SWORD TOO MUCH."
(Below, a small figure is shown plodding along holding a tiny sword.)
Child (with flame-like orange hair, sitting up in bed, alarmed): FATHER! THERE'S AN EVOLUTIONIST UNDER MY BED!
Panel 2:
Child: HE WANTS TO MAKE ME INTO A SENSELESS REPRODUCTION MACHINE!
Panel 3:
(The father, a man with glasses in a yellow shirt, stands at the bedside; a bearded man peeks out from under the bed.)
Panel 4:
Father: OH, SON. THAT'S JUST A STEREOTYPE. ALL HE WANTS IS TO RANT ABOUT ACADEMIC QUIBBLES SO TRIVIAL YOU WON'T EVEN STAY AWAKE THROUGH A WHOLE SENTENCE.
Panel 5:
Bearded man (under the bed): ...BUT THEN WHY DO SOME PARASITE SPECIES HAVE A TWO-HOST LIFECYCLE INSTEAD OF A THIRD WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE AN ASEXUAL PHASE, WHEREAS...
Panel 6:
(The father looks on.)
Panel 7:
Bearded man (peeking out from under the bed): AWWW, OUT LIKE A LIGHT.
Panel 8:
(The child is now asleep in bed, snoring "ZZZ." The bearded man, still muttering, continues:)
Bearded man: ...PERTAINING TO AN INAPPROPRIATE USE OF LOG-NORMAL DISTRIBUTION IN...
Father (smiling):
Votey:
The bearded man (now drawn larger, mid-rant) continues:
"...SO WAS ASBESTOS, SO DON'T BREATHE AROUND THE SWORD TOO MUCH."
(Below, a small figure is shown plodding along holding a tiny sword.)
Alt text
A four-row SMBC comic. A child with flame-like orange hair sits up in bed and cries to their father, 'FATHER! THERE'S AN EVOLUTIONIST UNDER MY BED! HE WANTS TO MAKE ME INTO A SENSELESS REPRODUCTION MACHINE!' A bespectacled father in a yellow shirt reassures him: 'OH, SON. THAT'S JUST A STEREOTYPE. ALL HE WANTS IS TO RANT ABOUT ACADEMIC QUIBBLES SO TRIVIAL YOU WON'T EVEN STAY AWAKE THROUGH A WHOLE SENTENCE.' A bearded man under the bed begins a dense pedantic monologue about parasite host life-cycles ('...BUT THEN WHY DO SOME PARASITE SPECIES HAVE A TWO-HOST LIFECYCLE INSTEAD OF A THIRD WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT INCLUDE AN ASEXUAL PHASE...') and log-normal distributions, and the child promptly falls asleep, snoring 'ZZZ.' The bearded man notes, 'AWWW, OUT LIKE A LIGHT,' confirming the joke that the dreaded 'evolutionist' is just a boring academic whose tangents work as a sedative. Votey: the bearded man, now larger and still muttering, says of a tiny sword, '...SO WAS ASBESTOS, SO DON'T BREATHE AROUND THE SWORD TOO MUCH.'
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.