assimilate
Original: assimilate on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Cube (Borg-like assimilation machine): "You will be assimilated. Existence as you know it is over."
Woman (red hair): "Hooray! So long work-related stress!"
Panel 2:
Cube: "Resistance is futile!"
Woman: "I bet so!"
Panel 3:
Cube: "You will be... wait. What're you doing?"
Woman: "Pokin' holes in my face so you can start borgin' me out!"
Panel 4:
Cube: "You will have no hopes. No personality. No point."
Woman: "Look. You already sold me. Now... were my age?"
Votey:
Cube: "Screw assimilation. Let's create brains that aren't weird."
Cube (Borg-like assimilation machine): "You will be assimilated. Existence as you know it is over."
Woman (red hair): "Hooray! So long work-related stress!"
Panel 2:
Cube: "Resistance is futile!"
Woman: "I bet so!"
Panel 3:
Cube: "You will be... wait. What're you doing?"
Woman: "Pokin' holes in my face so you can start borgin' me out!"
Panel 4:
Cube: "You will have no hopes. No personality. No point."
Woman: "Look. You already sold me. Now... were my age?"
Votey:
Cube: "Screw assimilation. Let's create brains that aren't weird."
Alt text
A four-panel comic. A menacing Borg-like cube (the assimilation machine) confronts a cheerful red-haired woman. Panel 1: The cube declares, "You will be assimilated. Existence as you know it is over." The woman throws her arms up joyfully, replying, "Hooray! So long work-related stress!" Panel 2: The cube insists, "Resistance is futile!" and she happily agrees, "I bet so!" Panel 3: The cube falters, "You will be... wait. What're you doing?" as she eagerly says she's poking holes in her face so the cube can start "borging" her out. Panel 4: The cube tries to threaten her with "You will have no hopes. No personality. No point," but she's already fully on board, telling it she's already sold. The joke: assimilation by a soulless hive mind is a welcome relief from her stressful, pointless life. Votey (aftercomic): The cube, now disillusioned, says, "Screw assimilation. Let's create brains that aren't weird," giving up on assimilating someone this enthusiastic.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.