marginal-cost-of-lurking
Original: marginal-cost-of-lurking on Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Transcript
Panel 1:
Child (in bed): MOM! DAD! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Panel 2:
Parent (a bespectacled person in a robe): SORRY, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. IT'D VIOLATE THE EFFICIENT MARKET HYPOTHESIS.
Panel 3:
Parent: SUPPOSE MONSTERS EXIST AND THEY WANT TO EAT KIDS. THEIR TIME IS VALUABLE. WHY WOULD THEY SPEND ALL OF IT LURKING OUT OUGHT TO SEE A VARIETY OF FIRMS DEVELOPED CATERING TO THE NEEDS OF MONSTERS, IN EXCHANGE FOR THEIR GOLDEN HOARDS.
Panel 4:
Parent: YOU CAN USE THE SAME REASONING TO RULE OUT DRAGONS, FAIRIES, LEPRECHAUNS, VAMPIRES, YOKAI, GHOSTS, YOU NAME IT.
Panel 5:
Child (back in bed): I SURVIVE THE NIGHT, BUT WONDER DOES NOT.
Votey:
Parent: HOWEVER, I AM PREPARED TO PAY YOU 4 DOLLARS TO PRETEND I HAVE SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM.
The child, in bed, looks unimpressed and gives a small shrug.
Child (in bed): MOM! DAD! THERE'S A MONSTER UNDER MY BED!
Panel 2:
Parent (a bespectacled person in a robe): SORRY, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. IT'D VIOLATE THE EFFICIENT MARKET HYPOTHESIS.
Panel 3:
Parent: SUPPOSE MONSTERS EXIST AND THEY WANT TO EAT KIDS. THEIR TIME IS VALUABLE. WHY WOULD THEY SPEND ALL OF IT LURKING OUT OUGHT TO SEE A VARIETY OF FIRMS DEVELOPED CATERING TO THE NEEDS OF MONSTERS, IN EXCHANGE FOR THEIR GOLDEN HOARDS.
Panel 4:
Parent: YOU CAN USE THE SAME REASONING TO RULE OUT DRAGONS, FAIRIES, LEPRECHAUNS, VAMPIRES, YOKAI, GHOSTS, YOU NAME IT.
Panel 5:
Child (back in bed): I SURVIVE THE NIGHT, BUT WONDER DOES NOT.
Votey:
Parent: HOWEVER, I AM PREPARED TO PAY YOU 4 DOLLARS TO PRETEND I HAVE SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM.
The child, in bed, looks unimpressed and gives a small shrug.
Alt text
A five-panel SMBC comic. Panel 1: A young child sits up in bed, alarmed, shouting "Mom! Dad! There's a monster under my bed!" Panel 2: A bespectacled parent in a bathrobe replies flatly, "Sorry, that's not possible. It'd violate the efficient market hypothesis." Panel 3: The parent stands over the bed and explains economic reasoning: if monsters existed and wanted to eat kids, their time would be valuable, so rather than lurking under beds we'd see firms catering to monsters' needs in exchange for their golden hoards. Panel 4: A close-up of the parent's face as they add that the same reasoning rules out dragons, fairies, leprechauns, vampires, yokai, ghosts, and so on. Panel 5: The child lies back in bed, eyes open, narrating, "I survive the night, but wonder does not" -- the parent's hyper-rational economics has banished the magic along with the monster. Votey (bonus panel): The parent offers, "However, I am prepared to pay you 4 dollars to pretend I have solved your problem," and the child in bed gives an unimpressed little shrug.
Transcribed by Claude Opus 4.8.